


Love, Basilton

by lily_ddark



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Love Simon (2018), Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: But he doesn’t know it, Fluff, M/M, Mild Angst, at the end, baz is gay for simon, if you’ve read love simon, its cute, love simon but it’s baz, simon is gay for baz ofc, you’ll get it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:35:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24863935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lily_ddark/pseuds/lily_ddark
Summary: A mashup of the Love, Simon movie, the book it was based off, and my imagination, but with the Watford gang.This is basically a fluffy Snowbaz fic with mild angst, it does have blackmail, outing someone without their consent, and a small amount of slur, so tw.Songs that I think go with each chapter will be in the author’s note (at the beginning), do what you will with that information.
Relationships: Dev & Niall & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Agatha Wellbelove, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch & Simon Snow, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 10
Kudos: 52





	1. Your cover up is caving in, Man is such a fool, Why are we saving him?

**Author's Note:**

> songs:  
> nearly witches - panic at the disco  
> all the good girls go to hell - billie eilish  
> checkmate - conan gray  
> only acting - kero kero bonito

Some people deserve to perish. Gareth is one of those people.

I say this because right now Gareth has approached me with my headphones in (seriously who does that) and I’m pretty sure he’s trying to blackmail me.

“What do you mean you took bloody screenshots?!” I quietly hiss, so no one will hear us, even though we’re in the storage closet.

“Well, I mean...” He trails off and scratches the back of his neck. “I just think we’re in a situation to...help each other out.”

I give him a death look and curl my lip, “You want me to force Agatha to fucking date you so you won’t leak my emails? That’s blackmail you prick.”

His lips go into a straight line, “C’mon Basil don’t be like that, we’re just helping eachother out.”

“Gareth! You’re up!” Mrs. Jones from the stage. He just had to do this during drama. It’s so fucking ironic.

“Alright well,” he says, “You have my number and you just let me know when you’re hanging out with her right? Just invite me.” And with that he runs out the door.

“Fucking hell,” I mutter and grab the the extra scripts. I forgot why I was even here in the first place.

I don’t even know how to feel about any of this.

I mean how do you justify taking screenshots of someone’s private emails? I get that it was my fault for forgetting to log out of the school computer (which is unlike me, I guess I was just...excited).

However, taking screenshots?

Gareth, there’s a special place in hell for you.

—

Agatha, Dev, and Niall are packed into my car, and we’re on our way to get coffee.

Agatha’s in the passenger’s seat, trying to pick a playlist that fits ‘today’s mood’.

I’m trying not to think about the conversation I just had with Gareth but it’s kinda hard when Agatha is right next to me.

I also can’t stop thinking about how my life long friends don’t even know I’m gay.

I mean, they know everything about me. Well, most of it. I feel guilty about it, honestly.

I’ve known Dev and Niall since we were three, and Agatha since we were thirteen.

Agatha starts up her ‘unsure playlist’ and I think it truly fits.

We pull into starbucks and we all hop out of the car. When we get inside I check my email (yes it’s idiotic to keep emailing him but for God’s sake I’m not going to let Gareth ruin my bloody life).

Red still hasn’t responded to my emails which makes me curious as to what he’s doing right now.

I ‘met’ him through the tumblr page for our school. It’s where morons tell their life stories and other people’s gossip. All anonymously of course.

That’s where Gareth would post my emails.

I wonder if Red would see them...

Red. He posted an awful metaphor about what being gay feels like on there, but it was also like he managed to get my feelings into words.

He’s a brilliant idiot.

I commented under it with my fake email and we started talking about everything that really mattered. Instead of talking about our hobbies, friends, and classes we talked about moments that meant stuff to us and all the things that really defined us.

Does falling for someone after only two months of talking over email make you mad?

“Hey! Earth to Baz!” Says Agatha, waving a hand infront of my face.

I blink and they’re all staring at me, “Yes?”

“We want to go out again tomorrow!”, smiles Dev, throwing out jazz hands.

“Oh okay I’m in,” I say even though I’m the only reason we can actually get into the bar, so it’s not like I have a choice.

Agatha tilts her head at me, “You alright?” I nod my head, “Of course.”

If only she knew.

I should really tell them.

But I can’t. The words won’t come out.

—

The second I get home I check my email at my desk and I have a new message from Red.

To: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
From: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
Subject: psychically dead-and mentally

Dear Sucré,  
i. hate. school. maybe that should’ve been the subject line...  
anyways my point is i am very very veryyyy tired and i know ur always super gramatical or whatever (which is really cute by the way) and that you love teasing me for my run on sentences (even if u say they’re ‘charming’) but i’m too tired to even try to be gramatical  
but yeah i’m really really tired because i revised for my french test like i never have before and i am DEAD.  
but my mum made me my favorite food and it was pretty awesome ngl.  
also i was curious and i looked up ur email address and it’s lyrics to a lana del rey song?  
ur dead zombie,  
Red

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
Subject: Re: psychically dead-and mentally

Dear Red,  
You’re right I do find you charming, and that whole email was proof that you are. (Even though you did not capitalize correctly at all...per usual).  
A sleep deprived Red honestly shouldn’t be this adorable. You have no right.  
Lastly, any self-respecting gay listens to Lana Del Rey. I’m very disappointed in you for not being a fan, but here are some songs that I recommend (which means if you don’t listen to these I will block you <3);

Venice Bitch  
Happiness is a butterfly  
Blue Jeans  
Video Games  
Million Dollar Man  
Beautiful Peopl Beautiful Problems  
White Mustang  
Ultraviolence  
Pretty When You Cry  
Music to Watch Boys To  
High by the Beach  
Art Deco  
Dark Paradise  
Young and Beautiful

On second thought, just listen to her whole discography.  
Your sad gay,  
Sucré

To: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
From: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
Subject: 2 sad gays sittin in a hot tub...

...CRYING BECAUSE THEYRE GAY AND SAD WTF SUCRÉ.  
extremely sad but still urs,  
Red

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
Subject: Re: 2 sad gays sittin in a hot tub...

I assume you listened to the ‘playlist’ I made you?  
Ditto,  
Sucré

To: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
From: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
Subject: Re: 2 sad gays sittin in a hot tub...

YES AND IM CRYING I ABABJABAJAK  
but also like...she’s a god? so thank you?!??  
yours,  
Red

Before I can respond Mordelia barges into my room.

Mordelia is my half sister but sometimes it feels like she’s really a hundred percent blood related to me.

Even though she’s still 15 and I’m already 17, it feels like she’s almost more mature than me at times.

I slam my laptop closed as she hops onto my bed. He pony tail whips around as she raises an eyebrow at me, “What the hell where you doing?”

I raise an eyebrow back, “None of your business, and why didn’t you knock?”

She huffs and looks around my room, “You should’ve just locked the door if you didn’t want me here. By the way you have way to many music posters.”

I roll my eyes, “What do you want anyways?”

“I know you’re going out Friday so I was wondering-“

“Exactly how do you know that?”

“I have my ways.”

“...Okay.”

“Right, so I was wondering if I could use your car.”

“If you’re going to have sex in my car-“

“I’m not going to have sex in your car.”

“Right but okay, if you’re ‘not going to have sex’ in my car than you also have to go get it cleaned.”

“Fine.”

With that she gets up and leaves but doesn’t close the door.

Sometimes I wish I was the only child.


	2. You're gonna fly high, You're never gonna die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs:  
> the greatest - lana del rey  
> doin time - sublime  
> wish you were here - pink floyd  
> have a cigar - pink floyd

I’m a Pitch. Pitches don’t let people blackmail them, and they especially don’t just avoid them.

Yet, that’s exactly what I am doing.

Maybe I should change my name to just Grimm....

Gareth is currently waiting by the cafeteria door with his arms crossed and a searching gaze.

He’s a tall lanky bloke, but still shorter than me (I could win in a fight with him if I wanted to). He honestly wouldn’t be that bad looking if he wasn’t such a fucking prick.

I never expected Gareth of all people would blackmail me. He’s the ‘class clown’, everyone makes fun of his ridiculous belt buckles and god awful t-shirts he wears to parties but he’s still some what funny.

Until he threatens to out you of course.

I still can’t get over the fact that this twat is blackmailing me.

Gareth spots me while I’m still in stuck in my thoughts and he starts walking towards me as I quickly turn through the doors. I attempt to speed walk to my table but Gareth’s arm stops me half way

“Why are you avoiding me?” he asks and I can’t help but roll my eyes, “Well excuse me but I’m not typically a fan of being blackmailed-“

“I’m not blackmailing you!”

“What the bloody hell would you call it then?”

He looks at me dumbfounded and then shakes his head, “Just help me out mate unless you want people to know...”

He just said he wasn’t blackmailing me but then says this? A complete moron is using information against me. How did I let this happen?

“Okay shut up,” I growl, “There’s this party at Bunce’s-“

“Penny’s?”

“Yes. She’s having a halloween party on Friday so, dress up or whatever and you can come with me and my friends if you want.”

“Great! Are we doing a group costume?”

“Uh, you’re not apart of our group and no.”

“Right...” he says backing away, “So you’ll pick me up?”

“Dev’s driving but yes, sadly.”

He does finger guns at me and bumps into someone and they both cuss.

“This is just great,” I sigh, making my way to my table.

I sit down in my seat between Dev and Niall, with Agatha, Simon, and Penny across from us. I don’t know what the deal is with them two, but Agatha’s friends with them because they have a lot of classes together.

Penelope seems like a classic nerd but she’s smarter than I’ll admit; she’s my only competition for top of our class.

Simon is her best friend and they seem to stick to each others side like they’re inseparable. Simon’s actually quite cute, he has ridiculously curly hair and extremely blue eyes. He’s kind of a stocky jock and he’s on the football team.

I put in one of head phones and Agatha nods at me, “What are you listening to? It better be the album I recommended.”

I roll my eyes, “Lana is the only thing I need right now, you’re album recommendations bore me to death with their happiness.”

She snorts while Dev and Niall laugh, “Its not a happiness filled one this time! And stop acting like you haven’t been over the moon happy these last few-“

“Hey guys!”, says Gareth, interrupting Agatha. He squeezes in between Niall and I, while I pull out my headphone.

“Watcha listening to?” he says bringing up to his ear but I snatch it away before he can.

He laughs and turns his full attention to the other side of the table.

“Snow! Penny! So nice to see you guys! And Agatha! Can’t wait for rehearsal! I missed you yesterday- well not like missed you but I-”

I side eye him.

He slaps my back and laughs again, “Can’t wait for the party either! This one invited me!”

I close my eyes and sigh. What did I do to deserve this hell?

“Oh really?” Agatha says with a straight face which means: what the fuck.

I frown, “I guess so.”

Everyone is giving eachother questioning looks as Gareth attempts to flirt with Agatha.

Simon and I make eye contact and he laughs a bit and I shake my head smiling a little.

This day is already too fucked for me.

—

It’s almost 12 when I pull up to Agatha’s house. Niall and Dev are smoking in the back seat when Agatha slips into the car.

She smiles at me when she realizes that I’m playing the album she recommend: Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd.

You’d never expect Agatha of all people to be an oldie american rock fan but she is.

“You’re dancing with me tonight, yeah?” she asks poking me in the side. I fake scowl at her, “What makes you think I am?”

“You’re not exactly a ladies man are you?”

If myself tense up, “I, um I guess not,” I choke out.

I reach my hand out behind my seat, “Pass that will you?”

“Yay! Lung cancer!”, chirps Agatha as she takes it anyways. I roll my eyes at her as she takes a drag.

—

Once we enter the club Niall forces all of us to the bar and we all take shots (expect for Dev). “Vodka makes me feel funny,” mutters Agatha and I laugh.

We’re all dancing in a circle now and the music is horrible! But we’re having a good time and I’m spinning Agatha in circles and she’s smiling.

Dev and Niall end up finding guys to dance with (and they trade jealous looks the whole time). I continue to dance with Agatha and we’re both smiling.

The lights are changing her face from, red to blue to green to yellow and so on. Her hair is glowing and her face is lit up and if I wasn’t so hopelessly gay and in love with someone I don’t even know, I’d get it.

The fact that everyone is so obsessed with Agatha makes sense, because not only is she objectively ‘pretty’, but she’s also just overall amazing.

I mean, she can come off as bitchy but I like that.

She wraps her arms around me and hugs me, “Let’s take a picture!” she shouts. I laugh, “Jesus Agatha let’s get out of here first!” I slur.

We move away from the dance floor and somehow Dev and Niall find us, “Take our picture!” shouts Agatha (I forgot how much she yells when she’s drunk).

I sit down on one of the chairs and Agatha hops onto the chair next to me while draping her legs over my lap.

She sticks her tongue and shifts her face so she’s almost licking my cheek. I smirk and the camera and run a hand through my hair.

Dev shows us the picture but either my vision is blurry or he just can’t take pictures for shit.

After a whirl of dancing and more shots Dev, (who stayed sober) ushers us to the car and shoves us all into the back seat.

Niall is curled up and his head on my shoulder and Agatha is on the other side of me. I’m draped over her and she’s holding onto my arm.

“Agatha I’m dropping you off at Baz’s and Niall’s coming with me,” Dev says.

“Okayyy!” Agatha sings.

“Why did we decide to go out on a bloody Tuesday?!” he whines.

Niall giggles, “You didn’t even drink! How boringgggg.”

“I hate being your guys’ keepers.”

“We didn’t ask you to beeee! But thank you mate!” I laugh.

“Jesus. Alright,” he says and the car stops, “Baz, Agatha, you need help getting out?”

“Yes!” She shouts, while I yell: “No!”

Dev gets out and shakes his head while he opens Agatha’s door, “Why are you both so loud when you get sozzled?”

She laughs as he helps her out, then she grabs my hand and pulls me. Niall yelps as his head falls from my shoulder.

We stumble to the back door with Dev’s help and finally get inside and to the living room.

Dev pushes us onto the sofa and frowns at us. He throws a blanket over Agatha’s head and gives me a pack of smokes, “Alright, here’s for getting us in with your ‘connections’” he pats my head, “Don’t let her choke on her vomit.”

Agatha finally takes off the blanket after awhile and she makes a face at me, “I’m hungry.”

“Good for you,” I say, snatching the blanket and wrapping it around myself.

“Baz!”

“Shhh just go to bed.”

She crawls under the cover and she rests her head on my chest. “You know, I really appreciate you.”

“I feel the same Wellbelove.”

“It’s just...”

“What?”

“It feels like you, I don’t know. It feels like, you’ve been, holding your breath. Like you want to run from something.”

“...”

“Baz?”

“I’m gay.”

Son of bitch, did I just say that?

Agatha snuggles closer to me, “Oh, well that makes sense I guess.”

“So you knew?”

“No.”

“Are you surprised then?”

“No.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I don’t understand either but thank you for telling me. We’re right sober now aren’t we?”

“Pfft, speak for yourself I might throw up any second now.”


	3. Shake dreams from your hair, My pretty child, my sweet one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs:  
> ghost song - the doors  
> in my head - no doubt  
> to forgive - the smashing pumpkins  
> caress me down - sublime

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
Subject: very loose

Dear red,  
i. am. drunk. i also want toell you how much ilike you. youu are veryveruvery cuye and i thinka u are jusy amazing. even if uou are not grmatical at all butr its okay. iam also writin fromm my phone so sorry foe all of thee bad spellinf. <3  
love,  
sucré

To: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
From: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
Subject: Re: very loose

Dear Sucré,  
wow. that was honestly the most adorable thing i have ever read. i’m going to print copy of that email and stick it to my wall.  
sorry for the late response by the way but most people aren’t awake at THREE AM.  
love,  
Red  
P.S. not-grammatical-drunk-you is kinda hot.

—

My mind is exploding.

I don’t specifically remember signing my email with ‘love’, but the fact that he did it too...wow.

And the fact that he called me hot and adorable...wow wow wow.

I’m staring at my phone, trying not to combust with joy and embarrassment when Agatha finally gets out of the bathroom.

We fell asleep on the sofa last night and I woke her up around five so we could go up to my room and sleep better.

Which we did but we also feel asleep longer than we thought we would and we barely have any time to get ready.

She sits next to me now on my bed and grabs my hand. We both fall on our backs and stare at the multiple posters of various singers on my ceiling.

“I’m glad you told me,” she whispers.

“I don’t even know if I meant too...”

She squeezes my hand, “I know. But I’m still glad you told me. Does anyone else know?”

“Well,” I turn to her. Should I tell her? What would she even do though? “I guess not, but you can’t tell anyone.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“Thanks.”

“Also you might want to adjust your tie.”

“Ugh,” I say getting up and dropping her hand.

—

When I get to my first class I have multiple panicked missed texts from Niall.

Niall: MATE  
Niall: BRO  
Niall: I KISSED DEV LAST NIGHT AND IDK WHAT TO DO ABT IT AND IM FREAKING OUT  
Niall: also my head hurts, like a lot  
Niall: BUT GOD I REMEMBER KISSING HIM AND STUFF AND YOU ALREADY KNOW HOW I LIKE HIM BUT  
Niall: IM PRETENDING IT DIDNT HAPPEN CAUSE IM FREAKED TF OUT AUGH  
Niall: anyways u did bring coffee right? i need it even if it’s iced  
Niall: i think iced is better  
Niall: dev doesn’t  
Niall: IDK HOW TO ACT AROUND HIM ANYMORE

Me: Jesus Niall calm the fuck down

Niall: NO

Me: just tell him how you feel and yes I did bring coffee because at least one of us is still functioning like a normal person

Niall: f u c k o f f  
Niall: and it’s not that easy!!

Me: Just stop being a pussy

I drop my phone and bury my head in my hands. Sometimes I just want to shove Niall’s and Dev’s faces together so both of them can just shut the fuck up.

How do you even pine over someone that long and just not do anything?

Niall’s been crushing on him since we were fifteen. I’m pretty sure Dev likes him too but we don’t talk about that stuff. It’s just the way he looks at him that makes me think that.

I’m honestly a little envious, because at least they know who they’re pining over.

I do know who Red is, but I wish I could stare at him longingly in class like Dev does at Niall.

I run a hand through my hair (which is down, because I sadly, didn’t have enough time to do it) and sigh.

Why can’t everything be a bit more simpler?

—

I’m in french class now and everything is so loud. If I had the gaul I’d shout at everyone to be quiet.

We had just taken a short quiz and we’re getting them back right now. I just know I didn’t do a very good job.

I actually probably did horrible because I couldn’t focus for shit.

When I get my paper I’m excited to see my score until I realize that this is in fact, not my paper.

I spin around in my seat and hand the paper over to Snow. “You’d think he’d learn our names by now,” I joke.

He smiles and takes the paper, “Yeah, thanks.”

“No problem, I’d trade whatever score I get for yours.”

He laughs, “Aren’t you at the top of our class?”

“Yes but I have an extreme hangover and I for one, can not process words right now,” I grin.

His eyebrows go up and he open his mouth but he’s interrupted by Agatha; “Baz! Dev and Niall they- We need to talk!” she says panting.

“Why are you out of breath, Wellbelove?”

“I just,” she coughs, “I just got back from chatting with Dev and,” she coughs again, “And well- we need to talk!”

Agatha quickly smiles at Simon and waves, “Can I switch seats with you real quick?”

He nods, “Yeah sure.”

He leaves and Agatha hops into his seat. She spreads her hands out and takes a deep breath, “Okay, first of all what was up with you talking to Simon?”

I roll my eyes at her, “Jesus Agatha stop it, now go on with it.”

“Right, right,” she says fixing her hair, “So basically I just went to go to the loo and I ran into Dev,” one for her clips fall out and she sticks it back into her locks.

“He said that he and Niall kissed! He said that he’s afraid it was just cause he was drunk but he has feelings for him, and I think it’s so sweet how he finally talked about his crush. It was so so so sweet.”

“Are you still drunk?” I snort and she flicks my nose, I move her hand, “Niall talked to me.”

Her eyes get big, “Tell me, tell me, tell me.”

“Here,” I say handing her the phone.

She reads and I stare off into space.

All I can think about is Red.

Red. Red. Red. Red.

He invades my thoughts.

I just want to know who it is.

It could...Matt? He seems kind of gay...but maybe not.

He’s in one of my classes and he’s well fit.

Maybe I could hint-

“We have to do something!” Agatha exclaims.

“Exactly what would we do?” I ask.

“Make them kiss and fall in love.”

“Pretty sure that’s already happened.”

“Then again!”

I scoff, “Okay, seriously, I’ll talk to Dev and you can talk to Niall about what we know.”

She reaches out to fix my hair, “That sounds smart, do you think it’ll work?”

“Maybe,” I say moving a piece of hair from my eyes, “But they’re both morons so who knows.”

She fluffs up my hair and snorts, “So are you Pitch.”

“Touché.”

—

Gareth is at our lunch table.

It takes a lot in me not to swing my bag over to hit his head as I sit down next to Agatha.

Gareth is sitting across from her and Niall and Dev are sitting on either side of him. Simon and Penelope are awkwardly sitting next to the right of Agatha.

“Basil! Hey!” Shouts Gareth and I grimace.

Niall looks up at me and kicks my leg, “Coffee?”

I sneer at him, “Your manners is atrocious, honestly.”

“Coffee!” Agatha cheers.

“Stop yelling,” I whine.

“Coffee!” They both chant.

I pull my thermos out of my bag and toss it towards Agatha who catches it while Niall makes a grab for it across the table.

“You guys are like five year olds,” I snort.

“Now you know how I felt driving you lot home last night!”, chimes in Dev.

“Oh shut up-“ I start but Gareth cuts me off, “You guys went out last night?”

We all fall silent and Gareth gives me a half annoyed, half confused look.

“Can I talk to you Basil?” he asks and I nod.

We leave the table and when we move to the corner of the room he clenches my shoulder.

“I feel like you’re not taking this fucking seriously,” he says.

“I don’t-“

“I thought we said you’d invite me to this stuff. But you’re not.”

“I invited to the bloody party!”

“That’s not enough! I need to actually get closer to her!”

“She’s not just a piece of meat you nimrod.”

“Shut the fuck up! Just do what I fucking asked you to or-“

“Fine! I’ll set something up so we can meet up just us three! Will you fuck off then?!”

“Yeah that’s great thanks!”, he beams and walks away to go talk to Rhys.

“Fucking lunatic,” I mutter under my breath. I get back to the table. Dev nods at me, “What was that about?”

I look away and down at my hands, “Oh nothing just about class work and stuff.”

I know Dev can tell I’m bluffing, we’ve been joined at the hip since before I can remember.

But today he gives me break. “Okay,” He mumbles.

I kind of wish he didn’t.

—

After school I pull up to Dev’s house and text him to come out.

He’s still in his uniform as he grumpily walks to the car.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I tease.

He looks at me and then bursts into tears.

I start to panic, “Oh I um...” I have no idea what to say. I end up silently patting his shoulder.

“Is this about Niall?” I say quietly. He nods and cries harder.

“He- I- He doesn’t-,” he takes a shaky breath and looks up at me, “I don’t think he meant to kiss me.”

I grab his hand and squeeze it, “You are so fucking oblivious Dev, it makes sense that you’re a Grimm.”

“You’re a Grimm too bitch,” he manages to say.

I snort, “Seriously Dev. You’re so dumb because he has been crushing on you since God knows when.”

His eyes are still shiny but he manages to smile, “Are you for real?”

I nod, “Yes he told me awhile ago himself.”

“You fucker!”, he yells letting go of my hand and punching my arm, “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

I slap his hand away, “Exactly why would I do that?”

“Because wer’e supposed to tell each other everything!”

I quickly look away from him. I know it’s absurd but I feel like I’m lying about, the gay stuff. I could just tell him right now. I told Agatha it should be easier now right?

No. It’s not.

So I don’t tell him, instead I say: “So are you going to ask him out or what?”

He blushes, “Should I? Would he say yes?”

“Yes you should, you numpty. Of course he’s going to say yes!”

“Should I text him?”

I roll my eyes and start the car, “I’ll drive you over there right now.”

“No! I’m nervous! And ugly!”

“Stop being nervous and ugly then.”

“I hate you.”


	4. The judge said, five to ten, but I say double that again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs:  
> buddy holly - weezer  
> wish i knew you - the revivalists  
> still feel - half•alive  
> clampdown - the clash

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
Subject: Crushes

Dear, Red  
Today has been a surprisingly normal day compared to the beginning of this week. I say this because the most foreseen thing has happened; my friend has finally told my other friend that they like them. Their crush on them has almost drove me over the edge.  
I’ve never liked anyone that long, like for years. I’ve only ever had short crushes on a couple of guys which I denied because I thought being gay was not okay (ha).  
Actually, I had an obsession with Daniel Radcliffe...that lasted awhile.  
I’ve embarrassed myself, please tell me you have an embarrassing story—and I know you do—you’d love to share with me.  
Love,  
Sucré

To: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
From: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
Subject: Re: Crushes

Dear Surcé,  
okay but Tom Felton was way hotter and you can’t change my mind.  
and of course i have embarrassing stories, i wouldn’t be me if i didn’t honestly but i’m not sharing any with you because i actually want to impress you. and wow great for your friend i would never have the guts for that.  
i’ve had a couple of crushes but i never really acted on them because i get shy and guys are hard to read if you don’t know if they’re gay.  
i also have a very specific taste in guys. ex: boys who have a really good vocabulary, are obsessed with harry potter (i’m better btw), seem to care about their friends a lot, and actually know if they like guys or not.  
so yeah maybe i have a type, if you know anyone like that, give them my email.  
love,  
red.

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
Subject: Re: Crushes

Dear Red,  
Ha ha very funny, but I also have a very specific taste of guys.  
I like a guy who doesn’t capitalize properly and have an unhealthy obsession with scones. They also have to be overly happy and very very cute.  
Also, you’ve already impressed me enough so don’t be ridiculous. Tell me everything.  
Love,  
Sucré

To: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
From: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
Subject: Re: Crushes

Dear sucré,  
everything.  
love,  
red

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
Subject: Re: Crushes

Dear Red,  
You’re very funny.  
Love,  
Sucré

—

I close my laptop with a sigh because now I have to interact with my family. It’s my father’s birthday which means a bloody family dinner.

I collapse onto my bed after putting on my suit and start to Half Windsor Knot my tie. My eyes wander to all of the posters on my ceiling that Mordelia was judging.

I have one of Elton John playing at a concert of his, and one of Freddie Mercury with his fist raised in the air. Those are the ones that I feel are taunting me.

Both of those seem to be jumping out of the paper and yelling at me to just get it over with.

Maybe I should.

It just feels like I can’t.

The door flys open and Mordelia is standing at the door with a frown. She’s in a blue pouf dress and her hairs down and wild.

I glare at her, “Can I help you?”

She throws a hair tie at me, “Do my hair.”

“I’m letting you use my car on Friday for God knows what-“

“I’m not having sex in your car.”

“And you’re going to be this mean to me?”

She groans and sits beside me, “Can you please do my hair? I know you do it for the twins.”

“Daphne makes me take care of them so of course I do their hair. You can do your own.”

“Basilton please! I saw those braids you did on them, they were really good!”

I dramatically exhale and sit up while grabbing the hair tie. She smiles and turns around.

We sit in the silence as I make a lace braid her locks.

“Basil?”

“What.”

“Do you think Father misses your Mother?”

I freeze but she doesn’t notice, “Cause I know she proposed to him on his birthday and he gets weird about it.”

That’s the one thing I tried not to think about today.

Father gets emotional (well, emotional as he can get), on his birthday because of that.

My mother died when I was young from a car crash. My aunt Fiona doesn’t believe that it was an accident because a lot of people had it out for my mother. She was a fierce politician, Natasha Pitch grab all the white entitled men by the balls. I love her for it, and I still remember her, and I miss her everyday.

Older men and women remember her well, a couple of my teachers do too. They either hate her and despise me because of it, or love her and hold me on a pedestal.

And if someone gives me shit for being her son I remind them that my father manages their finances.

When Father talks about her he sounds so in love. When he describes the night she proposed to him, it’s like he’s reliving the moment as he narrates it.

“Basilton?”

“Oh, um, yes I think he does.”

“Do you?”

“Yes. Everyday.”

—

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
Subject: Distract me, I beg you

Dear Red,  
I just went through a extremely painful family dinner and I am missing my mother (like always). My father was a little more emotional which means his eyebrows changed positions.  
Sometimes I just want him to be open and actually present in the moment...I know this is probably insensitive of me since your own father is out of the picture and I apologize.  
But please, I need your horrible humor to take my mind off this awful turn on a day.  
Love,  
Surcé

To: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
From: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
Subject: Re: Distract me, I beg you

Dear surcé,  
shit i’m sorry about that, i think having a bad father might be worse than no father, and no need to apologize it’s okay.  
um first of all my humor is immaculate so shut up, but something funny: when i first started learning how to bake i got a pretty bad burn on my right hand and i was like it’s fine but my mum forced me to go to a&e.  
was that funny? maybe not um, think about how gross mr brown smells like...?  
i’m sorry this probably isn’t working...i can distract you another way!: i think you’re very very very cute and i want to kiss you even though i have no idea what you look like.  
love,  
red  
p.s . holy fuck i said holy fuck i’m pressing send

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
Subject: Re: Distract me, I beg you

Dear Red,  
Okay you have definitely distracted me...and I too think about kissing you, even though you remain faceless.  
About your story: that really sounds like you...and Mr. Brown does smell gross...and no your humor is in fact not ‘immaculate’.  
Love,  
Sucré


	5. I'm high on believing, That you're in love with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs:  
> hooked on a feeling - blue swede, björn skifs  
> bennie and the jets - elton john  
> tiny dancer - elton john  
> dancing queen - ABBA

It’s finally Friday; the day of the party. With Gareth. Just great.

Dev and Niall have been eye fucking like crazy since yesterday and it’s sickeningly adorable.

They’ve only been psychically affection when we were at Agatha’s house to study, I assume they want to keep it a secret.

Which is very understandable because the few gay kids who are out have been relentlessly bullied and harassed.

We’re all in Dev’s car now, Gareth included and Agatha’s in the passengers seat. Which means Gareth is angling his body in every way so he can to talk to her.

“So um, how’d you think of your costume?” He asks.

Agatha raises an eyebrow (she learned that from me) and looks at him.

She’s wearing wearing go-go boots and long sleeved mini dress with flowers on it.

She tilts her head at him and pulls out a pack of smokes, “Are you joking?”

He awkwardly laughs, “Uh, yeah.”

Gareth is dressed as an identity thief, which means a black shirt with a bunch of names on it.

Niall is a witch (when I asked him why, he said he liked the way the hat looked) and Dev is the Joker. I decided on simple skeleton make up and a black turtle neck with a blazer.

When we get there all of us are already smoking (expect Gareth, he said he doesn’t like it—a toddler).

Simon is the one who lets us in, he’s wearing devil horns and red t-shirt. He’s got a bit of blush on his cheeks and he looks down right handsome.

“Hey guys!” He smiles. Yes I forgot, he’s overly cheery.

“Hey,” we all mumble. Gareth ends up striking up a conversation with him and we walk away from him.

A couple of girls come up to Agatha and pull her into the crowd to dance. She looks almost horrified as they whisk her away and we all laugh at her.

Dev, Niall, and I walk around while talking to people who I secretly find intolerable.

I put on a polite face though, and act like I’m actually enjoying the party.

(I want to see Bunce’s library...I know her dad is a smart professor and I want to see his book. He’s a bit odd...but smart nonetheless).

Once we finally finish up our conversation with Elpsth about her ‘precious’ dog, Dev whispers something to Niall.

He looks at me and awkwardly rests his arm on my shoulder (even though I’m taller than him. So very logical).

“Heya Baz, we’re gonna go, um,” Niall starts, wobbling as his elbow angles up at my neck.

Dev rolls his eyes with a sigh and moves closer to us, “We’re gonna leave you here by yourself for a little, is that okay?”

I grimace, “You two are going to fuck in a random closet aren’t you?”

Niall turns beet red as Dev coughs, “No, No, No,” Niall responds, “We’re um-“

“Just go,” I say flicking my wrist at them, “I’ll be fine.”

Dev moves off of me and touches Niall’s back, “We’re just gonna drive around and we’ll be back soon. Don’t get sozzled alright?”

I side eye him as they walk away together. They really do make a cute couple, it sucks it took so long.

I make my way to the balcony after making a long journey through all the horrifyingly smelly groups of people.

I pull my last cigarette from my pocket and light it from one of the tacky outdoor tiki torches.

People are dancing outside in their own friend groups. I spot a flash of blonde hair spinning around next to a girl with dark skin and extremely curly hair.

Ah, it’s Ginger the exchange student from America, also know as; the girl who Agatha ‘despises-but-not-really’. It’s a very confusing dynamic.

“Hiya Baz!”

I flip around and see Matt wearing swirls of blue and purple on his face.

I blow smoke out and laugh, “And what are you supposed to be?”

He comes over to me and rests his hand on my arm and I swear to God I feel like electric.

“I’m Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh!”

The makeup is defining his cheek bones and his roman nose is covered in glittery blue.

“I guess I can kind of see it...” I smirk.

He drops his hand from my arm (sadly), and points inside, “Want to do karaoke with me?”

“God no.”

“C’mon!”

I look him up in down and then flirtatiouslysmile at him, “Alright then.”

He grins back and I follow him inside. We weave through the crowd and I take an inhale of my fag, not carrying about Penople’s house anymore.

We get to the karaoke station and Matt tosses a microphone my way.

“I hope you can hit high notes Pitch,” he teases while cuing up the song.

I raise an eyebrow, “Of course I can.”

The music starts and I smile when I realize it’s Bennie and The Jets by Elton John - the gay Messiah himself.

_Hey kids, shake it loose together_

I start singing along with him and he throws an arm around my shoulders. I could explode any second.

_The spotlight's hitting something_   
_That's been known to change the weather_

A couple of people have entered the room and are laughing as Matt tries (and fails) to dance.

_We'll kill the fatted calf tonight_   
_So stick around_

He drops his microphone and starts singing into mine and our cheeks mash together.

_You're gonna hear electric music  
Solid walls of sound_

I feel myself blush and people are now singing along with us with the few free microphones.

_Say, Candy and Ronnie, have you seen them yet  
Uh but they're so spaced out, B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets_

Matt pulls the cigar from my mouth to take an inhale. He starts coughing and I can’t help but laugh at him.

_Oh but they're weird and they're wonderful_   
_Oh Bennie she's really keen_

“How do you even smoke these?” He says frowing. I snatch it back from him and take a hit, “You’re just not used to it.”

_She's got electric boots a mohair suit  
You know I read it in a magazine  
B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets_

I feel invincible right now. It’s like Gareth and his screenshots doesn’t exist.

—

“How the fuck did you this sozzled?” I hiss.

Agatha and I are currently shoving Dev out of the car while Niall nervously watches from the driver’s seat.

Dev’s response is a series of giggles.

Agatha has her arm underneath Dev’s armpits and is glaring at Niall, “Jesus Niall, how did you let this happend?”

“It’s not my fault Dev is such a lightweight!”

Dev loosely wags a finger towards him, “I’m not! But you’re really cute.”

I roll my eyes and help Agatha guide him to his door. I thank God Gareth decided to stay and get a ride from Rhys. This would be too much blackmail at his advantage.

Niall hops out of the car and Dev throws himself onto him.

Niall looks back up at us, “I’ll stay here with him,” he tightens his grip on Dev, “If that’s okay-“

Agatha nods, “It’s okay our houses are not far, Baz could use the walk.”

I snort, “That’s very far from the truth but it wouldn’t hurt.”

Niall laughs and Dev wraps his arms around his neck.

And now he’s looking at Dev with such a love stricken look it feels wrong to watch them.

“Right okay, see you both on Monday,” I say wrapping an arm around Agatha’s shoulders.

We start waking home and I drop my arm from her. Agatha starts complaing about what a couple girls had said and other stuff but I’m tuning her out until:

“-and the weirdest part was that Gareth would not leave me the fuck alone-“

I almost throw up. I really wanted to pretend that he didn’t exist.

“-he also mentioned that you were planning on meeting up to rehearse our lines at Starbucks-“

That asshat. I probably just have to go along with it. It’s not like I have a bloody choice.

“-it’s a good idea so I agreed and you’d have to pick me up if that’s okay...he said every Thursday would be good.”

“Sounds splendid.”

“Great!”

I realize we’re infront of her house now and she has a sympathetic smile on.

“What?”

Her chin wobbles and she sighs, “Baz I, I just...”

I grab her elbows, “Wellbelove what’s wrong?”

“I’m really honored you’ve decided to come to me first, because Dev and Niall don’t know do they?”

I shake my head, “I know I should just tell them-“

She sniffs, “Baz you don’t have too.”

I laugh, “Why are you crying?”

“Because,” she scowls, “Because this is so emotional! I guess I’m just crying for both of us.”

I wrap her into a hug, “Thank you Agatha. If I’m being a hundred percent honest, I mostly came out to you because I was drunk and sad.”

“Pfft I know that, I’m still extremely honored.”

I pull away from her and she pinches my cheek, “Be safe walking home Pitch.”

She races up the steps and I wave at her before I start heading home.

And of course as I’m walking, I check my email.

—

To: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
From: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
Subject: hobbies but like in secret

Dear sucré,  
okay so basically secret hobbies; do you have any? because i do! i like to take care of plants. i am a plant mom yes. why? because i love plants. i just want to talk about how much i love my plants basically.  
i have a mammillaria cactus and i’ve pricked myself to many times to count. my sage plant is growing amazingly and so is my oregano!  
and before you ask, no i don’t cook with them they are my children.  
love,  
red

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
Subject: Re: hobbies but like in secret

Dear Red,  
How could you not cook with that? You have access to multiple cooking plants and you just don’t use them? One of these days I’m going to show you how to use them to your advantage. I’ve been told I’m an amazing cook.  
I guess one of my secret hobbies is painting and drawing. I don’t like to share it with people because God knows what they’ll say.  
Maybe I should paint you after I make you an amazing dinner, how does that sound?  
Love,  
Sucré

To: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
From: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
Subject: Re: hobbies but like in secret

Dear sucré,  
that sounds bloody amazing honestly but you have to make the most exquisite meal you can and you also have to keep the same energy for desert ;).  
love,  
red

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
Subject: Re: hobbies but like in secret

Dear Red,  
You definitely know how to woo a man Red, honestly.  
Love,  
Sucré

To: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
From: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
Subject: Re: hobbies but like in secret

Dear sucré,  
i can hear your sarcasm yet you still think i’m charming don’t you?  
love,  
red

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
Subject: Re: hobbies but like in secret

Dear Red,  
Sadly you are correct.  
Love,  
Sucré


	6. I know I'm going to want you and you know why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs:  
> sunday morning - no doubt  
> april 29, 1992 (miami) - sublime  
> paul revere - beastie boys  
> ex-girlfriend - no doubt

I don’t know what made Gareth think he can flirt, because he definitely can not.

His version of trying to pursue Agatha is asking her questions about everything.

We’re in Starbucks and I’m sipping my pumpkin mocha breve while Agatha tries not to strangle herself (or me, it honestly could go either way).

“Should we practice our lines now?” I say, even though I don’t have any. Agatha nods looking at me with extremely grateful eyes.

Agatha is playing Juliet of course, no one stood a chance against her, and Gareth is Benvolio. Which is fitting since his character is said to seem nice but have a temper in private.

The irony could kill me.

“I could pretend to be Romeo for you, I have all my lines memorized already, haha,” Gareth says awkwardly. I force myself not roll my eyes.

Agatha politely smiles but there’s a bit of venom in it only I notice, “Sure that sounds great thanks Gareth.”

He nods and happily grins. Her eye twitches for a split second and again, Gareth doesn’t notice.

“I just need to practice this one part on page...”

I start to space out again, drafting an email to Red in my head. I want to meet him. I want to see him in real life and just...kiss him. Part of me is convinced it’s Matt but I’m not entirely sure. I have a gut feeling it’s not him but who else could it be?

“Then, window, let day in, and let life out.”

“Farewell, farewell! one kiss, and I'll descend.”

“Art thou gone so? love, lord, ay, husband, friend! I must hear from thee every day in the hour, For in a minute there are many days: O, by this count I shall be much in years Ere I again behold my Romeo!”

“Farewell! I will omit no opportunity That may convey my greetings, love, to thee.”

“O think'st thou we shall ever meet again?”

“I doubt it not; and all these woes shall serve  
For sweet discourses in our time to come.”

Jesus what if I already meet him and It isn’t Matt? What if I meet him and he gave me clues that I just didn’t notice?

“O God, I have an ill-divining soul! Me thinks I see thee, now thou art below, As one dead in the bottom of a tomb: Either my eyesight fails, or thou look'st pale.”

“And trust me, love, in my eye so do you:  
Dry sorrow drinks our blood. Adieu, adieu!”

Gareth and Agatha cheer and she high fives him. He looks over the moon happy because of that, and can you blame him? It is Agatha after all.

“That was great!”, Gareth cheers, he turns to me, “Wasn’t that great?!”

I nod, “Couldn’t have done it better than myself.”

They go over a couple more of her lines and Romeo and Juliet have fallen in love a million times once we leave.

Gareth shoots finger guns towards us, “Same time next week?”

“Sure,” we both say.

He nods and walks towards his car an Agatha turns to me with a weird expression.

“What?”

“He’s so annoying but at the same time kind of awesome.”

“I only agreed with the first half of that.”

—

Hanging out with Gareth every Thursday for four weeks hasn’t been that bad honestly.

I mean, he is still very annoying but he might be growing me a bit. He’s been nice to Agatha which is refreshing because most guys get pissed off if she doesn’t act the way they expect her too.

The play is in a week on Friday, and Agatha is in full spirit.

“O serpent heart, hid with a flowering face! Did ever dragon keep so fair a cave?!” She yells, her hair flowing around her face as she runs towards us in the courtyards.

“Stop quoting your dumbass play Aggie,” Dev quips. Niall rests his chin on his shoulder, “Don’t be a prick I like the quotes.”

He flicks Niall’s nose, “That’s because you’re a hopeless romantic.”

“And you’re not?”

“No.”

“You weren’t saying no last-“

“That’s enough,” I cut in and everyone laughs.

Agatha leans onto my shoulder and smiles evilly up at me, “We’re kidnapping you tomorrow alright?”

I raise an eyebrow, “What? No.”

She turns to Dev and Niall, “We’re not going to listen to him.”

They both nod, “Of course not.”

I narrow my eyes, “Exactly what are we going to do on a bloody Tuesday?”

“It’s a surprise!” She cheers.

I smile a bit, “Let’s get to class before we’re late.”

I should stop taking my friends for granted honestly, even if they’re planning on kidnapping me on my birthday.

—

“Mr. Pitch? Mr. Pitch.”

My head jerks up and I realize all of my classmates are looking at me.

I cough, “Yes?”

Mrs. Taylor frowns at me, “Instead of doodling in your book can you look at your revision packet?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Dev stifles a laugh next to me and I kick his leg. He leans over, “What are you drawing there mate?”

I quickly place my hands over my notebook and start to blush. It’s not like I was drawing pictures of scones, plants, and artworks by Vincent Van Gogh. Nope not at all.

I quickly relaize that Dev won’t understand anything I’m referencing with drawings when I see his confused face as he looks at my paper.

“Um, you alright there Basil?” His face is twisted up like he doesn’t get the joke.

The joke is my life Dev.

“Mhh yeah yeah.”

He cocks his head at me, “Okay...”

Once the bell rings I rush to science before Dev can interrogate me. I just can’t stop thinking about Red.

Jesus it’s like being 15 and having an unhealthy obsession with the Harry Potter franchise all over again.

I’m thinking about how he freaked out when I asked if we could meet up. I don’t regret asking but I do regret putting him on the spot.

I clumsily fall onto my stool and my lab partner, Marc, glares at me.

I scowl at him and almost tell him to piss off when he speaks up, “Aye so I’m going to trade seats with Snow so I can sit with my mate, just giving you a heads up.”

“I literally don’t care Marc.”

“Okay then,” I says and gets up to move.

My arms cross and fall onto the table and I bury my head in them.

I feel so jumpy and off today. Like something’s going to happen. It’s a gut feeling.

I’m probably just tired.

The stool next to me moves and the smell of butter is overpowering.

Ah yes, the cute football lad, Snow.

I shift my head to look up and I take in his freckles and curly hair. And the moles...I wonder if they go all the way down...Jesus.

Suddenly it feels like I’m cheating on Red. Like he should be the only boy in my head. I mean he kind of is but, God some boys are cute.

Snow looks down at me and I feel myself blush. He either doesn’t notice or care because he just waves and smiles. I wag a few of my fingers in response.

Class starts and we go on about or work. Once again I’m doodling on the corner of my page, thank God Dev isn’t in this class. He’d have a whole list of never ending questions.

I can feel Snow’s eyes on my paper and I quickly erase the basil plant I drew. Ironic I know.

Our teacher is droning on about God knows what (I hate this class) when I feel a tap on my arm.

I quickly turn to towards Snow and he has a nervous look on his face, “Yes?”

“I um,” he scratches the back of his neck, “I don’t understand the third question can you help me?”

“Of course,” I say and I look over my paper to see what he’s talking about. I peer over his paper and I start explaining the problem.

After I’m done explaining I look back up at him and move away, “Got it?”

He blushes and nods, “T-thanks.”

I stare at him a little longer than I’m supposed too, “Yeah no problem,” I say turning away my face burning.

I go through the whole day with my mind wandering and I just can’t focus on anything.

The gut feeling I had earlier is stronger.

Something is going to happen, or maybe something is going to change.

—

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
Subject: Sorry

Dear Red,  
I apologize for making you uncomfortable when I asked if we could meet up, I probably freaked you out. I hope you can forgive me because if I’m being entirely truthful these emails mean a lot to me.  
Love,  
Sucré

To: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
From: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
Subject: Re: Sorry

Dear sucré,  
i’m sorry too i shouldn’t have flipped out on you like that it was pretty fucked up of me.  
and these emails mean a lot to me too, you mean a lot to me to be honest.  
let’s talk about something else; it’s almost christmas and i’m beyond excited, i usually bake the whole break with my mum and we eat out hearts out while watching Love, Actually (which is extremely hetero *throwing up noises*) what do you do during christmas break?  
love,  
red

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
Subject: Christmas

Dear Red,  
My break always consists of bonding with my sisters, family dinners, ties as gifts, and drunken nights with my aunt.  
Your break sounds delightful, I wish I had the talent to bake but I tried that once and failed miserably. I decide to stick to cooking, baking is too scientific for me (although I am pretty good at science... it’s a bore).  
Love,  
Sucré

To: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
From: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
Subject: Re: Christmas

Dear, sucré  
i’m actually horrible at science it’s confusing as hell but yet i like baking?? this makes zero sense at all how?  
maybe one day when i’m ready to meet you i’ll teach you how to bake and you can teach me how to cook. does that sound good? we can also paint plants! like make painting of plants not paint on the plants although that sounds fun too doesn’t it?  
love,  
red

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
Subject: Re: Christmas

Dear Red,  
I don’t think that would be fairly easy but if your desire is to paint plants then I’m in.  
Love,  
Sucré


	7. Foot on the gas I can't stop I got tippy toes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs:  
> only child - tierra whack  
> a boy is a gun* - tyler the creator  
> shit happens - tierra whack

I wake up to Dev, Niall, and Agatha tackling me in the morning.

They’re all chanting like a bunch of lunatics, “Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday!”

“Jesus how did you get in here!” I yell covering my face.

“Vera let us in!” “You’re a man now!” “Old ass!”

“You’re all paying for my coffee.”

“Sure thing Bazzy,” Agatha says crawling under the blanket. Niall and Dev join her and we’re all cuddled up under my covers.

It’s bliss honestly.

“Thank you guys,” I whisper.

“For what?” Asks Niall.

“Just being you guys I guess.”

“Awe oh my God Baz, do you have feelings?” Dev teases.

“Piss off.”

Niall laughs, “That was so sweet Baz we love you too.”

“I never said I loved you guys, shut up.”

“Yeah sure you don’t,” smiles Agatha.

I do though, I love them to death. But it’s not like I’d tell them that.

—

“I’m not wearing that.”

“Yes you are.”

“No I’m not.”

“Put it on!”

“No!”

We’re heading to lunch and Agatha is currently trying to force a tiara on my head that says ‘Birthday Girl’.

I suddenly stop realizing I left my phone in class, “I forget something I’ll be back.”

“You’re still going to wear the tiara!” Shouts Dev as I walk away and Niall laughs.

I roll my eyes and quickly make my way to class. I get my phone and once I make my way out through the door I’m stopped by Gareth.

“Oh hey Gare-“

“Cut the crap Basil.”

“What?”

His face is red and blotchy. He looks as though he’s ready to throttle me right here right now.

He shoves his phone in my face, “What the hell is this is?”

I look at it and it’s a post from Agatha’s instagram. It’s the photo we took at the club wiht the caption: happy birthday to my (platonic) soulmate <3.

“A birthday day post?” I say raising an eyebrow.

He clutches his phone, “No it looks like she’s bloody in love with you!”

“You sound insane!”

“No I don’t! She’s all over you in this picture!”

“Did you forget the reason you’re fucking blackmailing me?-“

“Shut up!”, he screams and I back away, “This whole Agatha thing is over Basil!”

“What?”

“You heard me,” he starts walking away and he flips me the bird, “Happy fucking birthday.”

I run a hand through my hair as I start heading to the cafeteria. Gareth is just overreacting I bet he’ll come around later. He can’t be that mad can he?

When I get to my table Niall forces the tiara on my head and the whole table starts singing happy birthday to me. I hide my face in my hands and Agatha wraps an arm around me.

I look up and glare at her and she smiles cheekily, “I fucking hate you,” I grin.

“Awe you’re too sweet.”

Once they finish singing we all eat the cake Agatha brought. Bunce and cute Simon make friendly conversation with me about what I’m doing today and other stuff.

It’s nice but I can’t help feel a looming presence of what Gareth said. I can’t help but think about his anger, and what that means for me.

I’m not thick, I know that this means he could potentially out me. I just hope it won’t come down to that and that I can calm him down with meaningless hope.

My eyes wander around the room and meet Gareth’s. He shoots a death glare at me and quickly looks away. Okay so that’s not a good sign.

—

During science I prop up my book so my I can text on phone during class.

Me: Are seriously upset?

Gareth: ofc i am.

I roll my eyes at the use of the period.

Me: Okay, well Agatha is obviously not actually into to me. So why don’t just continue whatever the hell you’ve been doing?

Gareth. she fucking rejected me already you twat.

So he’s actually really pissed off, and why didn’t Agatha tell me about this?

I sigh and turn off my phone. What the hell am I supposed to do now?

“Um, are you okay?”

Oh right I forgot, Snow’s still sitting next to me in this class.

I turn to him with the fakest smile I can manage, “Tip top.”

“It’s just, you seemed upset and I know it’s your birthday and all...”

“I’m fine, honestly. Just tired.”

“Right...”

Am I that bad of a liar?

I look away from him so he knows this conversation is over. I’ve had enough odd encounters today.

—

Agatha is driving us all to her house and she’s driving like a mad women.

The car makes a quick turn and I get thrown against the door, “I’d like to not die on my birthday Wellbelove.”

Dev snorts while Agatha shoots me a look.

We get to her house and they sit me down in her family’s dining room. Her parents aren’t home like usual, they’re doctors, very good ones actually.

After twenty minutes they all bust through the door holding a bunch of plates of different dishes.

I can’t help but smile, “I’m- What- How?”

They set down the plates which are all in different kinds of tupperware.

They all beam proudly as I look over all the food they made.

“We spent all week cooking a bunch of different recipes for you,” says Niall.

Dev butts in, “Because you always cook for us you know?”

“I’m honestly really impressed you guys.”

Agatha laughs, “So are we I didn’t know I had it in me too cook like that honestly.”

We talk and eat Agatha’s actually good dishes and Niall’s horrible ones. Dev just made deviled eggs and salad, but it’s the thought that counts.

Before we dig in to the cake Niall’s mum made Agatha pulls out my favorite brand of champagne.

We go outside to the garden with four forks, the strawberry chocolate cake, a bottle of Moët & Chandon, and a packet of fags.

Smoke flies out of our mouths while liquid that tastes like the stars goes in and it feels magical.

Yet, I know it won’t last.


	8. Don't wanna hear about it, Every single one's got a story to tell, Everyone knows about it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs:  
> seven nation army - the white stripes  
> carpi pants - bikini kill  
> the story - conan gray  
> ghostin - ariana grande

I wake up to a face time from Niall at six in the morning. I’m ready to cuss him out as I answer until I see his tear stained face.

I bolt up, “Holy hell are you alright?”

He looks at me almost confused, “What? Yes I’m fine, are you okay?”

“Niall I’m not the one crying.”

“Have you checked tumblr?”

I feel my heart skip a beat, “Not if I can help it,” I say rushing over to my laptop.

“Baz, I- Dev and I are coming over okay?“

Once I log into to tumblr I see multiple reposts from an anonymous account.

user8283847:  
basil pitch’s ad to all boys (no girls allowed):  
basil pitch wants to suck ur cock till it’s red! for free! butt sex is also free of charge! (if u haven’t gotten the memo, basil is as gay as a maypole!)

It feels like my whole body has just shut down. The sly reference to fucking red. The day after my birthday. And really? Butt sex? What is he five?

My breathing is getting shaky and so are my hands. Jesus I haven’t had a panic attack in years.

“Baz?”

“I-It’s-“

“Take deep breaths Baz it’s okay we’re almost there.”

“Yeah- I-“

“C’mon Baz deep breath in,” I follow his directions, “Deep breath out.”

We continue this for awhile until I can actually speak.

“Baz we’re here okay? I’m going to hang up.”

“Okay.”

After what feels like an eternity Niall and Dev barge into my room. Niall still looks extremely upset and Dev just looks angry.

They sit next to me and Dev slowly take the laptop away from me then closes is.

Dev speaks first: “Is it true?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you-“

“Baz you didn’t need to tell us, it’s your thing remember, us of all people would understand.”

“Yeah,” says Niall, “You don’t need to apologize mate.”

“I told Agatha already.”

The both look at me confused, “What?” they both blurt out.

“I was drunk when I told her and I feel awful that I told her and I didn’t tell you guys.”

“Dude,” Dev pats my back, “I fucking get it. I told my Dad before I told my Mum because it was just easier. It’s okay you don’t need to feel bad.”

“Everyone knows now though.”

Niall frowns, “I know it’s awful isn’t it?”

“Are you going to cry again?”

“I just feel bad for you! I have feelings Baz!”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry.”

He sniffs, “We should probably get going or we’re going to be late...you’re still coming to school right?”

I nod, “Father would kill me if I didn’t.”

“Are you going to tell him?” Asks Dev.

“He already knows.”

“What?!” They both exclaim.

I close my eyes, “Three years ago he pulled me into his office and told me that despite my ‘life choices’ he still expects me to marry a women and act ‘normal’.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Niall mutters.

“Yeah.”

Dev gets fidgety and then asks: “So, do you know who posted it?”

“Yes.”

A minute of silence goes by, “And you’re not going to tell us?”

I take a deep breath, “No.”

“Baz.”

I get up from my spot on the ground and walk over to my wardrobe, “I think we should be going right about now.”

Dev sighs and ignore him.

While I knot my tie I feel my brain go into autopilot. It’s the emotionless state I’ve practiced infront of the mirror since I was 12.

I think Niall and Dev notice it because they haven’t said a word since we got into the car.

When we pull up to Agatha’s house she jumps into the backseat and wraps me into a hug.

That’s what it takes to crack me. I burst into to tears while she holds me tighter.

—

I thankfully stopped crying once we got to school. I keep my head low and just shut down again.

That doesn’t mean I don’t hear people calling me a faggot and pansy.

Couldn’t they get a little more creative? Honestly It’s just the same insults over and over.

I wonder what Red thinks. Maybe he’s sympathizing. Maybe he’s put the pieces together and realized why I’ve been ignoring him.

I’m rushing to science class right now, hoping I can get past any homophobes with catching their attention. Unfortunately fucking Rhys stops infront of me.

“Can I help you?” I mumble.

He smirks, “Wouldn’t you like too? You fucking gaylord.”

I get to move past him but he blocks me. I know I’m stronger than him (hell, he’s shorter than by an 3 inches!) but I don’t have the fight in me.

“Piss off.”

“You’re-“

“He said piss off you twit.”

Of all people, Penelope Bunce is the one to speak up.

Rhys moves off of me when he notices others are watching now. He walks down the hall hurriedly and I’m left standing with Bunce.

She turns to me, “Are you alright Basilton?”

I nod quickly, “Thank you for that.”

Her purple hair bounces as she shakes her head, “Don’t be ridiculous, you don’t need to thank me.”

We walk into class together and it hits me that I have to sit next to Bunce’s ridiculously cute friend.

I hate cute boys. I have to also face Matt later, which is incredibly scary.

I can feel people’s eyes on me all throughout class. I go numb. It’s like everything is underwater and I’m not in control of my body.

—

Agatha is sitting with me on the stage. We’re both silent while Lily goes on and on about herself like every other day.

It’s actually comforting; it’s something that hasn’t changed. On that note, Matt has avoided me like the bloody plague.

I would say I’m disappointed, but it’s not like it changes much.

Everyone goes through their lines and I listen from the curtains. I’m glad they’re not going through the scenes I’m in.

I just want to disappear for today, let the world swollen me up.

There’s a movement through the curtains and suddenly Gareth is standing infront of me. He looks weirdly guilty which is fucking hilarious.

I spin on my heel and walk out the back door as fast as I can but he’s not that far behind me.

“Basil!”

I go faster and walk along the fence of the football field. Gareth runs up to me and it’s like the Rhys situation all over again.

I push him by the shoulders, “What the fuck do you want?!” I hiss.

“I’m- I’m just so sorry I didn’t think-“

“You didn’t think what? Outing me without my consent wasn’t a big deal?!” I’m yelling on top of my lungs now, “Because it is you son of a bitch!”

He’s crying now but I don’t give a flying fuck, “I didn’t-“

“Shut up Gareth! Just shut up! You don’t get do you? I’m supposed to get to decide how I want to be out! When I want to be out! To who I want to be out! Not you!”

“I know-“

“Just fuck off! Leave me the hell alone,” I sigh pinching the bridge of my nose. He nods and I push past him praying to God that Dev is in his car already.

I don’t think I’ve ever hated someone more.

—

When Dev drops me off at my house he tells me that him, Agatha, and Niall are coming over later whether I like it or not.

I collapse onto my bed and right before I’m about to cue my mood playlist the door busts open.

“What the hell do you want Mordy?” I groan into my pillow.

“I saw the post.”

I don’t say anything to her.

She moves on top of the loveseat that’s next to my book collection, “Who did it?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does.”

“No it-“

“Yes it fucking does!”, she yells, throwing up her arms and knocking over a stack of books.

She looks me dead in the eyes, “Whoever did this deserves to fucking pay Basilton.”

Jesus Christ when did Mordelia become scary?

“I know but right now I don’t have any fucking energy to deal with that.”

She gets up from her seat and hovers over me, talking in a quiet tone, “We don’t really talk about these things do we?”

“No, I guess not,” I admit.

“And we normally don’t say these things but, you know I would kill someone for you right?”

I feel my lips turn up at the ends despite myself, “I would litreally brun a whole city if anyone hurt you Mordy, so I get it yeah.”

She snorts, “You’re bloody dramtic.”

“And you’re not?”

“Yeah whatever,” she says rolling her eyes, “I’m hungry can you cook something?”

“Can’t Vera do that?”

“You’re a better cook and you know that.”

“Aw how sweet.”

“Gross, now make me some food.”

“Fine,” I pout getting up from my puddle of self pity.

Once I get the the kitchen Mordelia goes out to the garden for a smoke. I would stop her but I used to do the same thing and Father can be a dictator about small things like that.

I finally make myself check my email before I decide what I’m going to cook.

—

To: yourdiehardyourweakness@mail.com  
From: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
Subject: im sorry

Dear sucré,  
I know who you are, Basil right? just like the plant. anyways i’m sorry but i don’t think i can do this anymore. i cant help but think you might have your eye on someone else and i really can’t handle rejection.  
\- red

—

Teriyaki it is then.

—

The back door opens and Agatha, Dev and Niall shuffle in drenched with water.

I didn’t even realize it was raining.

Agatha stops in tracks and her eyes get wide, “Fuck, are you making Teriyaki?”

Dev and Niall both stop and look at me with terror, “Jesus Baz I didn’t realize you were that upset.”

I ignore their comments and bring my attetion back to the chicken, “Daphne moved the blankets under the couch, it’s still in the brown basket,” I tell them, using my clipped monotone voice.

“Baz,” Dev says moving slowly towards me, “You’re actually scaring us.”

I roll my eyes and wave the tongs in my hand around, “I’m fucking fine.”

Agatha runs over to us, “Dude you only make Teriyaki when you’re almost over the edge.”

“Yeah,” Niall butts, in making his way next to Dev, “You make a shit ton of Teriyaki and then you shove it in tupperware, never to be seen again.”

“Actually, he eats it when he’s happy again,” corrects Agatha.

They’re not wrong. As ridiculous as it sounds it’s true. I made enough Teriyaki to feed a village before I had my first breakdown. Daphne saw the signs and called Niall, Dev and Agatha over. By the end of that week we were eating what I made and were watching dumb comedies.

“You can talk to us you know,” Niall pushes.

I nod while they sit down but I still feel uptight.

“Baz.”

“Sorry, yeah,” I take a deep breath and just say it, “It was Gareth.”

They all look confused, especially Agatha who says: “I don’t understand.”

I move around the kitchen, pretending like I’m too busy to make eye contact with them, “He was blackmailing me. He found out I was gay and then said if I didn’t help him get with Agatha that he’d post it. I told him you weren’t a piece of meat but he still held it over my head.”

I find the courage to finally turn around, I expect to see Agatha mad but she looks sad.

“I’m sorry Agatha, I shouldn’t have-“

She slams her hand on the table and suddenly her eyes are filled with rage, “I’m going to kill that fucker! I can’t believe he did that to you!”

I’m gobsmacked at her outburst and so are Dev and Niall.

She blinks and regains her composure, “You didn’t need to say sorry you know, you didn’t do anything wrong. You were just scared, which is normal.”

“Thank you Agatha,” I say moving back to the chicken and feeling extremely grateful for her.

We put on a movie and everyone is eating their food. Mordelia joined us and shared a look with Dev (who’s always been Mordy’s favorite) when she saw the food.

I decide on eating a salad Vera made a couple days ago. I’m not really in the mood for teriyaki.


	9. I call my dealer, said, "Share the white with all of us", I told him, "We've been so nice, don't turn on us"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs:  
> friday the 13th - gorillaz, octavian  
> marigolds - kishi bashi  
> creature w/ orchestra - half•alive  
> honey body - kishi bashi

“Baz you’re moping like you just got broken up with,” Dev teases from across the lunch table.

It’s the next day and I still feel like absolute shit. I found out Red had blocked me after everyone left and I cooked another batch of fucking teriyaki.

“You kinda look like it too,” Agatha joins in.

She’s referring to how I haven’t bothered properly doing my hair or tying my tie.

Even though my friends can be incredibly caring that doesn’t mean they aren’t arseholes too.

“You know?” I say with my head in arms, “It kind feels like it.”

Agatha raises an eyebrow, “Er, what?”

“Have you ever been in love Aggie?”

She tilts her head, “You never call me ‘Aggie’, who are you and where’s Basil?”

I close my eyes and sigh, “I feel like I’ve been dumped.”

“...Do you want to elaborate?”

“No I don’t think I will.”

“Did you just reference an meme?!” Niall asks way too excitedly for this situation.

The only reason I know that meme is because of fucking Red.

When I open my eyes the whole table is looking at me funny. I always forget Bunce and Snow sit with us.

“I feel weird today,” I mutter.

Dev scoffs, “And you’re acting like it too mate.”

I turn my head to Niall, “You drove your car today right?”

“Yeah.”

“Can you drive me to the supermarket?”

He narrows his eyes at me, “What are you getting?”

“Um,” I quickly bury my head in my arms and quietly mumble through them, “Chicken.”

I hear all of them groan, expect for Bunce and Snow of course, they’re probably extremely confused.

I feel someone flick my head and when I look up Niall’s scowling at me. “I’ll drive you home but I’m not driving anywhere near the supermarket,” he says.

I pout, “It’s my only outlet you arse!”

“I’ll cheer you up!”

I bang my head against the table, “I hate everyone.”

“And love isn’t real? Stop being dramatic and let Niall drive you straight home,” Agatha says, kicking my leg.

“Fine.”

“You’re so cute when you’re corporative,” she smiles sarcastically.

I snort, “Piss off.”

She kicks me again, “You should eat something.”

“I’m fine.”

“Baz.”

“I had a big breakfast I’m fine,” I lie.

I hear her sigh and mumble something to Niall about feeding me.

—

Niall finds me after my last class and drags me to his car.

He hands me the aux cord so I can cue up whatever playlist I want.

I about to hit play on Lana Del Rey’s Born to Die when Niall side eyes me, “Nothing sad.”

“Oh fuck you,” I say under my breath.

I pick Gorillaz’s best album (it’s a fact, fight me) : The Now Now.

We listen to the music in quiet, until Niall finally sighs and turns it down.

“What’s up with you?”

“I don’t know what-“

“C’mon Baz, you said you felt like you’ve been dumped.”

I stay silent.

“And then you asked Aggie if she’s ever been in love? What happened?”

I clench my hands and take a deep breath. It’s not like Niall would be freaked out if I told him right?

He pined over someone that was right infront of him and surely that’s more embarrassing.

“There’s this boy...”

—

Niall had me pull up the email on my laptop the second we get to my house.

He’s reading it over and over, “‘I cant help but think you might have your eye on someone else’? What does he mean by that?” 

I get up, “How would I know? He’s the only guy I actually talked to.”

“Lies,” he says, “You flirted your ass off with Matt.”

“Yes,” I say looking through my records, “But he’s apparently homophobic.”

“What? How?”

“Him and his friends said something to me when I was walking to lunch.”

“Damn it we should’ve walked with you-“

I spin around with a Kishi Bashi vinyl in my hands, “Honestly? I don’t even care about what anyone says anymore. Their insults are just repetitive. I care about this Red situation way more.”

“Okay, fair enough. So he blocked you?”

“Yes,” I sigh, turning around to put the record on.

“And he knows who you are?”

“Yes, Niall.”

“So email him on your personal email and just tell him it was a misunderstanding.”

Violin streams from my record player as I pout at him, “He blocked me for a reason.”

“Basil don’t be ridiculous, if you fell for him he probably fell for you.”

“You think so?”

He stretches out the laptop towards me, “Here, email him and then make me a cheese toastie.”

A grab it and sit down on the loveseat, “Make your own cheese toastie.”

“Please!”

“No.”

“I’ll give you puppy eyes.”

“That only works on Dev.”

“Fine,” he groans getting up, “Do you want one?”

“No I’m-”

“I’m making you one.”

“Whatever.”

He leaves and I’m left alone with Red and Kishi Bashi.

I stayed up reading all of our emails last night, and I’m convinced it’s possible to fall in love twice.

Here goes nothing.

—

To: cherrysolstice11111@mail.com  
From: tbasiltongrimmpitch97@mail.com  
Subject: Can we?

Dear Red,  
I don’t know who you are. However I know you and I know that I love you, and that I hope you feel the same way.  
So I was hoping, on Saturday, that you’ll finally meet me. I can assure you that even though I don’t know what you look like, I’ll like you all the same.  
I want to meet me at that spot we talked about in the park. Of course we’d have to meet in the late afternoon since you sleep in. If you’ll have me that is.  
Love,  
Basilton


	10. There was a time before we were born, If someone asks, this where i'll be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs:  
> can’t let go, juno - kishi bashi  
> this must be the place(naive melody) - kishi bashi

“I can’t tell if you’re moping again or if you’re about to piss yourself from excitement,” Dev says behind his maths book.

“Bugger off,” I murmur. The funny thing is I can’t tell either. Red hasn’t responded but that might be good right? Yes? No? I really have no fucking idea. I might throw up or cry. Maybe both.

Dev coughs and I look up from my problem packet, “What?”

“Have you been um, eating?”

Ah, Niall or Agatha probably put him up to this. Dev cares but he doesn’t show it verbally, just picks up on things and knows what to do.

“Yes, I had an apple this morning.”

“Baz that’s not enough food.”

“I’m fine, I’ll cook tonight.”

“That doesn’t mean you’ll eat.”

I frown because he’s right. Everything I’ve forced myself to make ended up in the fridge.

When I get like this I usually don’t eat as often as I should. Or whenever I get stressed out of my mind I feel like food isn’t important.

“I’ll be fine.”

He glares at me, “I’m going to tell Mordy to keep an eye on you.”

“You do that.”

—

He did do that, because currently, Mordelia is eating hamburgers with me on the floor of the library.

We both have books infront of us, mine is Pride & Prejudice, and her’s is a collection of Edgar Allen Poe poems. I forget how morbid she can be.

“If we get any of our food on the books, Father will have both of our heads,” I say throwing a napkin at her.

“Oh hush it’s not like he’s going to read either of our books,” she frowns but takes the napkin anyways.

She finishes of her burger and looks at me intensely, “Are you ever going to tell me who did it?”

I avoid her eyes, “I don’t plan on it.”

“I’ll guess then.”

“I doubt you can-“

“Gareth Longsworth.”

I look up immediately, “How the hell did you know?”

She flicks her wrist and waves me off, “I have my ways.”

My eyes narrow, “What did you do?”

“I may or not have told Fiona to throw out some possible financial opportunities for his family that were in Father’s office,” she says smiling evilly.

I feel my jaw drop, “That’s actually genius but how did she not get caught?”

She makes a face, “I spent ‘father and daughter’ time with Malcom.”

“And how did that go?”, I rush through my giggles.

“I bloody hate you,” she snorts.

I compose myself and hold my cheek in my hand, “No, actually what did you do?”

“He wanted to go riding but I managed to force him to show me how to hunt.”

“Actually?”

“Yeah, I ended being better than him so we went riding. I didn’t want to hurt his ego too much.”

“Jesus.”

We both laugh and eat our chips. It’s nice but I still have that feeling I had during maths.

When Mordy goes to the washroom I check my email again.

No response.

—

Agatha facetimes me at 12. I answer with my middle finger extended.

“Put that thing down Pitch,” she says rubbing her eye under her specs. Her hair is up in a lazy bun and she’s wearing an oversized jumper.

“Why are you calling me?”

“Because what the fuck.”

“...I’m sorry, what?”

“Gareth came to my house with roses and I threw my fag into them.”

“.....I’m sorry, what?”

“Yeah, then I told him to fuck off and die.”

“Agatha-“

“I hate him.”

“I know.”

“I hate what he did to you-“

“It’s-“

“And I hate that you’re so calm about it!”

“I don’t-“

“You’re allowed to be mad about it!”

“Maybe-“

“But you’re not!”

“Ag-“

“How coul-“

“Agatha!”

“Sorry.”

“You don’t think I’m mad? I’m bloody pissed! I let him have it a couple days ago! I’m just not expressing it! I’d rather cook mountains of teriyaki before I take out my anger on you guys!”

She looks at me through the screen and starts to cry.

“Jesus Agatha.”

“You’re just so fucking loving Baz! You care about us too much!”

“Ew shut up-“

“No! You love us admit it!”

“Never.”

“Basilton!”

I roll my eyes and give in, “I love you guys,” I whisper as quietly as possible.

“YOU SAID IT!”

“I’m hanging up.”

“No!”

“Fine.”

She whispers her tears and smiles, “You’re the best gay friend I could’ve asked for.”

“You could’ve left out that gay part you prick.”

“I love you too!”

“Who said I loved you?”

“I should’ve record what you said, now I have no proof,” she pouts.

“You’re an arse.”

“And you’re not?”

“Point.”


	11. I notice that you're there, but I'm always in your hair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs:  
> running out of time - tyler the creator  
> after the storm - kali uchis  
> i think - tyler the creator  
> see you again - tyler the creator

Duke, the family german shepard, is being an excellent dog today which I thank God for. I’m so nervous I could puke.

I’m waiting at the spot I had talked about with Red. He said he used to find his way here when he need to take a break from everything. I used to come here with my mother.

It’s a little area with a lake and a couple of trees. I’m up, leaning against one of them with my head phones in. The album of the day: Igor by Tyler the Creator.

I take out a fag from my pocket and light it. I close my eyes and the let music relax me.

Duke is trotting around the water, trying to decide if he should jump in or not. The symbolism is ironic.

I listen to Tyler sing about a boy who broke his heart, and how he would bend over backwards for him. Haha.

My favorite line right now? And you're always in my mind, maybe so.

After a couple hours of listening to Igor on repeat, I check the time and it’s well past late afternoon. I sigh and call Duke over to put on his leash.

He’s soaked in lake water.

I feel myself pout as we walk towards the parking lot. I didn’t bother doing my hair but I did dress nice, with a turtle neck, jeans and a coat. What a waste.

I open up my phone to switch my music to Goblin by Tyler when I bump into someone.

“Christ-“ “Sorry-“

I step back and I’m face to face with Snow. (More like nose to brow, but who cares). He’s holding a bag and is wearing a jean jacket over a grey hoodie.

Fuck every single cute boy ever.

“Oh hello Snow,” I say, trying my best to be friendly even though I want to hurl myself off a cliff.

He blushes, “H-hi.”

Jesus this is awkward. I nod and start to walk, thinking that this conversation is over, when he grabs my arm.

“Wait.”

Turning towards him, I raise an eyebrow, “What?”

He drops his hand and scratches the back of his neck. “I um- It’s-,” he takes a deep breath, then stretches out his arm to offer me the bag.

“This is for you.”

I take it feeling very confused and when I look inside my heart skips a beat.

It’s a basil plant.

I look up and Simon appears to be very close to shitting himself.

“It’s you,” I whisper.

He turns a deeper red, “Yeah.”

We stare at eachother for awhile. Jesus those eyes....I think I’m already starting to obsess over those moles....and his stubby eyelashes.

He looks down, “A-are you, um, are you disappointed?”

“Oh my God, not one bit,” I say with a short laugh.

When he brings his head back up his eyes are bright, “Really?”

“Snow, it’s like you didn’t read my email,” I tease, “But I’ve always found you attractive.”

His face breaks into a smile and I’m gone for, “I actually printed out that email.”

I smile back, “I bet you framed it too, you prick.”

“I’ll have it tattooed on my arm.”

“Jesus Christ.”

He’s gotten a bit closer to me and I feel breathless, “How did you know it was me?” I ask.

“Well,” he says wagging his finger at me, “The day after you emailed me about how much you love Lana Del Rey-“

“That’s an understatement-“

“You talked about at lunch-“

“How did that-“

“Shush Basil I’m not finished.”

I nod and feel my cheeks go red at the use of my name.

He grins and continues, “So you talked about it at lunch and I thought oh that’s no big deal, then the day after you drunk emailed me-“

I start to open my mouth but he places a hand over my mouth. I think I like this more than I should.

He smiles smugly when he realizes how flustered I am.

Cheeky bastard.

“Anyways,” he says moving away his hand away, “The next day you mentioned how hungover you were, then you talked about how two of your friends finally got together. I’ll admit I’m thick, but even I could tell that Dev and Niall had a extremely different energy with each other than before.”

“Sounds to me like you’re actually not that thick.”

“Maybe you’re actually the thick one in this relationship,” he says cocking his head to the side

Jesus.

“Maybe,” I smirk, “I assume you aren’t finished, so go on.”

“Right, so, you were doodling in your book during science and your very good at science like you said in your email, and your drawings were too.”

His eyes are glowing but they dim down now, “And after the email I sent,” he mutters, grimacing, “You said you were heartbroken and stuff during lunch...”

I feel myself frown, “Well that’s embarrassing.”

He scrunches up his nose, “I hated that part.”

“Me too.”

“Can we act like it never happened?”

“No,” I say taking a step closer. Thank the lord and heavens above that Duke is sitting like a good boy.

“No?”

I shake my head and take his hands in mine, “That wouldn’t have lead us to this would it?”

He’s blushing, and I think I am too, maybe. I don’t know. All I know is that his face is bright and the sun is lighting up his ridiculous curls.

“Baz?” He whispers, eyes half-way closed.

“Mhh?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“You don’t have to ask.”

Suddenly he grabs the back of my neck, pulling me towards him and kissing me like I’m oxygen it’s self.

Is this a good kiss? I don’t know by technical standards, but I know I could happily die with his lips on mine. I think we both needed this.

He’s doing this nice thing with his chin...and his hands are in my hair, messing it up even more.

I don’t care.

Simon Snow can ruin my hair a thousand times and I wouldn’t give a damn.

He pulls away to catch his breath and we’re both panting.

He’s smiling and I am too (just a little bit).

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a very long time,” he admits, threading his fingers through mine.

I touch his cheek with my free hand and he leans into the touch as he whispers: “What does this mean now?”

I confessed my undying love for you?! What do you think?!?!

Come on Basil, you have guts, just use them this time for Christ’s sake.

I squeeze his hand, “I hope it means we’re boyfriends.”

When he raises his head he looks over the moon happy (I did that!) “Are you asking me to be your boyfriend?”

“I, um, yes I am.”

He pulls me into another kiss, and this one feels softer.

And it’s less like we need it this time. It’s like we want it more than we ever needed it in the first place.

—

I feel like a lovesick school girl right now, texting my boyfriend. Jesus. Simon Snow is my boyfriend.

He’s calling me now, and I pick up the phone extremely excited.

“H-Hi,” he stutters.

“Hi,” I say smiling as big as I want since he can’t see me.

“So, I um, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Okay.”

“Do you want to come out as a couple?”

“Christ, yes of course I do.”

“Are you sure?”

“Do I want the world to know Simon Snow is my fucking boyfriend?”

“I hope so?”

“Yes I do Snow.”

“So, do I put your initials in my instagram bio now?”

I snort, “Jesus no.”

“Wow I never thought I’d get dumped like this,” he giggles.

“You’re such an arse.”

“But you like.”

“I love it.”

“Why?”

“Because we match.”


	12. My, my, how can I resist you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs:  
> flaming hot cheetos - clario  
> ramona flowers - ilytommy  
> training wheels - melanie martinez  
> mama mia - ABBA

My —boyfriend— Simon, is coming over to paint with me today and I’m pacing around the door like a madman waiting for him to knock.

Mordelia has been watching me with a suspicious look, to which I flipped her off for.

The doorbell rings and I race to the door and fling it open.

Jesus fuck my life forever, if I thought he looked cute yesterday he definitely looks cute today.

He’s wearing a collared shirt under a grey sweater. He’s also wearing jeans which do wonders for his thighs.

“Hey,” I say, blushing and opening the door so he can come in.

He steps inside and turns to me smiling, “Your house just feels hanunted.”

I laugh, “Maybe it is.”

He grabs my hand and places a kiss on my cheek.

Lordy, I could get used to this.

I lead him through the back door to the garden. We’re meet with Mordelia smoking a fag while inspecting the art easels and paints I set up.

When she sees us one of her eyebrows shoot up.

“Hello,” she smirks.

Simon waves and I roll my eyes, “Mordy you took my pack of smokes didn’t you?”

“Sometimes I forget you have a brain,” she says throwing the pack to me.

I catch it and pull out a cig with my mouth.

“That shouldn’t be hot,” Simon mutters, and I flush.

Mordy slides closer to us while holding a lighter to my cigarette.

After she lights it she moves infront of Simon with chin down and he eyes narrowed, “Don’t do anything you’ll regret. I can ruin your life if I try hard enough.”

His eye are wide and his mouth is in a straight line. I grab her shoulder and push her away from us, “Jesus Mordy leave him alone.”

She laughs and walks inside, Fiona would be proud.

Simon turns to me, “Your sister is scary.”

“You should meet the rest of my family.”

He smiles, “Are you already asking me to meet you parents? Wow this must be serious.”

I blow smoke in his face, “Again, it’s like you didn’t read my email, Snow.”

He giggles quickly placed a kiss on my lips. When I lean forward for another one he walks away towards the paints.

I groan and he laughs at me.

He plops down infront of one of the easels and I join him.

I start to prime my canvas and he tilts his head, “What are you going to paint?”

“You,” shit, “I mean only if that’s-“

My eyes flutter as he shuts me up with a kiss. He pulls away and grins, “Yes of course it’s okay.”

I go on about my usual painting process while Simon struggles to follow it.

When I’m almost half way done Simon suddenly paints a line straight down the side of my face.

I smile as he draws another line, “What are you doing Snow?”

“Marking what’s mine,” he says, swirling the paintbrush in circles on my cheek.

“Jesus Christ.”

“Aw are you blushing?”

“No.”

“Mhh I’m pretty sure you are but it’s okay ‘cause it’s blending in with the paint.”

“Are you using red paint?”

“Yes, I just told you I’m marking what’s mine you nump-“

I tackle him and bombard him with kisses, attacking every mole and freckle that’s in sight.

He’s laughing and there’s smears of red all over him now.

“We should do this,” he kisses me, “All the time,” another kiss, “Just this,” and another one.

I go for the corner of his mouth, “I agree.” I fall besides him, the grass tickling my ears.

He laces our pinkies together and tucks his face into the side of my arm.

“Baz?”

“Yes?”

“I can’t really put what I think into words, but, I’m really glad I’m here.”

“I’m really glad too.”

We lay together, between the roses and tulips, stuck to eachother like glue.

I’m so in love with this beautiful git.

—

Simon left after a bit more kissing and a smaller amount of painting. When he saw my finished painting of him he stole my move and tackled me. 

He decided on painting the plant version of me, and instead of signing it he painted his lips and kissed the canvas over and over.

It’s now hung up on my wall, right in between Freddie and Elton.

I’m in the living room now, eating the leftover teriyaki and watching Mamma Mia.

Of course Mordy has to suddenly walk in, “So that was your boyfriend huh?”

I look down and move my food around with my fork, “Yes it was.”

She throws herself onto the sofa and looks it me, “Go on.”

“No,” I say, throwing a piece of chicken at her.

“Basil c’mon! This is like, the most interesting thing that’s happened to you right?”

“Um no?” Okay so what if I’m lying?

“Just tell me about him!”

“His name is Simon Snow.”

She snorts, “That sounds like the name of some children’s storybook protagonist.”

“Mordy, your last name is Grimm.”

“Point. But tell me more.”

“You’re going to use this to find out everything you can about him aren’t you?”

“...No.”

“Right so, this conversation is over,” I say getting up off the sofa.

After I place my tupperware in the skin I open the freezer, “Do you want ice cream?!”

She doesn’t answer but I get a second spoon anyways.

When I get back to the living room I stop in my tracks.

Dev, Niall, and Agatha are all sitting on different pieces of furniture like usual.

They look up and Dev immediately scowls at me, “Why haven’t you been answering my texts?”

“I um-“

“He was too busy tumbling around with his boyfriend in the garden,” Mordy smiles.

“Boyfriend?!” They all shout in unison.

I laugh nervously, “Boyfriend?”

Niall claps, “You did it! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Agatha raises a hand, “Wait what rhe fuck is he talking about?”

“Have you already replaced us with your boyfriend?”, pouts Dev.

“Jesus shut up,” I groan, falling onto the couch in between Agatha and Mordelia.

Agatha snatches a spoon out of my hand and opens the container, “Tell is about your boyfriend bitch.”

“He’s-“

“I already found his Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat,” Mordy says.

“What the fuc-“

“Wait! He just posted posted something.”

We all take out our phones and sure enough @simoncherrysnow (honestly how did I not realize it was him), has posted something. 

It’s the painting I made of him.

I painted a picture I got from his Instagram where he’s standing outside in the sun smiling like always. I placed a bunch of blue kisses on the painting’s (and real Simon’s) cheeks.

It’s silent for a couple seconds until Agatha flings ice cream into my hair, “Why didn’t you tell us you wanker!”

“It just happened yesterday,” I scowl cleaning my hair.

Dev cocks his head, “What? I don’t get it.”

Niall places his chin on Dev’s shoulder, “Give it a rest dear.” Dev grumbles back but looks at him softly.

Agatha turns to me and smiles, “I’m extremely happy for you, but you still need to explain how the hell this happened.”

Dev nods while Mordelia comes back to sit next to me and take the ice cream.

“Go Basil, tell us,” she says.

“Um,” I look down at my lap and pretend to fix the ‘creases’ on my pants (nervous habit), “We’ve been talking for months now...I just didn’t know it was him.”

Agatha tilts her head, “I’m sorry what?”

I cover my face with my hands, “It’s super complicated, but basically we’ve been kind of dating but not really for awhile. Now it’s actually real.”

“You’re blushing dude,” she says while moving my hands.

“Shut up.”

Agatha taps her spoon against the container, “Am I allowed to threaten him yet?”

“Mordy already beat you to that.”

“Damn it Mordy!”, whines Dev as Niall pats his arm.

“Wait you were going to threaten before me?”

“Well duh, I already had his snapchat loaded.”

“I’m going to throttle you!”

“Not if I throttle you first.”

“Dev, honey, stop it.”

“You guys are a bunch of morons.”

“Shut up Basil, you didn’t even know the guy you were/are dating!”

“Touché, Dev.”

“I’m still confused...”

“I’ll explain to you later love.”

“Wait so I’m the only single one now?”

“Shush, Meryl Streep is singing dancing queen now.”

“I think I’m more important than Meryl Streep and ABBA, Niall.”

“Can you hear yourself? I would replace you with ABBA and Meryl Streep, in a heart beat.”

“Why did God curse me with gay friends?”

“Because he blessed us with fucking Mamma Mia, now shut up and let Donna sing.”


	13. Hey you with the pretty face, Welcome to the human race

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mr blue sky - electric light orchestra  
> southern nights - glen campbell  
> the chain - fleetwood mac  
> don’t stop me now - queen

I’m waiting for Simon in the courtyards with Niall and Dev when Agatha comes running towards us.

“I just saw your boyfriend !” She squeals while poking me in the stomach.

I slap her hands away, “Are you trying to embarrass me?”

“Of fucking course I am!”

“Christ I hate you.”

She starts fixing my hair, “No you don’t, you said you loved us.”

Dev pushes my shoulder, “Wait he said that?”

Niall pokes his head in next to Dev’s, “I don’t believe it.”

“I should’ve record it damn it!” She grumbles.

“Wait, so did you say it or not?” Niall says.

I see Simon walking with Bunce over Agatha’s shoulder. “OhlookatthatSimon’shereokaybye,” I say pushing away from them as they all yell at me at the same time.

“Did you say it!?” “We need answers!” “You can’t run forever!”

When I get to Simon he wraps me into a hug and God he smells good.

We pull out of his embrace and I notice his tie is loose. I fix while he gives me a peck on my forehead.

Penelope narrows her eyes at us, “How are you guys already acting like an old married couple?”

Simon snatches my hand and shrugs, “Maybe we’re old and in love in a alternative universe.”

I huff out a laugh, “Alternative universe Snow? What else are we doing? Slaying dragons?”

He grins up at me, “Maybe, and we’d still be snogging in every single one of them.”

Agatha pops up next to me along with Dev and Niall, “Gross,” she says. Bunce ‘mhmh’s’ in agreement while I roll my eyes.

Simon brushes a strand of hair off of my forehead and I feel my cheeks burn.

“You’re cute when you blush.”

“And you’re an absolute wanker,” I say smiling.

“Git.”

“Tosser.”

“Prick.”

“You are what you-“

“Do not finish that sentence.”

—

Simon Snow has a mole on his neck, right on his adam’s apple.

When he stretches his shirt rides up (never properly tucked in) and shows his freckled covered sides.

His lips are torn and chapped (but are still extremely soft).

My thoughts are just a fucking Simon Snow Fun Facts book now. (Not that I mind).

I’m observing him from my seat in the corner of the room (yes I choose this seat, but in my defensive people suck).

We’re supposed to be taking notes on the book we’re analyzing but I’m too busy analyzing Snow.

His sleeves are rolled up and his blazer is hanging on the back of his chair. His forearm flexes as he tugs at his curls.

I don’t even realize I just sighed out loud until I notice the girl next to me giving me a weird look. I murmur sorry to her and when I look back up at Simon he’s smirking at me.

The git.

—

“That’s just ridiculous,” I say, feeding a crisp to Simon. He takes it and happyily chews, “You like Harry Potter, so don’t talk.”

He bounces his leg which is on top of mine, “Harry Potter makes sense, the ‘Marvel Universe’ doesn’t,” I say before taking a bite of my sandwhich.

“You’re just not paying attention, it’s not that complicated.”

I wipe a couple crumbs off the corner of his lip and shake my head, “The movies don’t even come out in chronological order you oaf.”

He rolls his eyes but smiles, “Why is it hot when you insult me?”

I start to open my mouth to say something when Niall groans, “Just stop it, it’s like watching your parents make out.”

Penelope nods, “It’s gross.” Agatha shakes her head at them, “Agreed but I was invested in the argument.”

“Me too, and I side with Snow,” Dev says, “The Marvel Cinematic Universe timeline isn’t that difficult to understand.”

Agatha nods, “He’s right, and you’re smart Pitch, it’s not that hard.”

“I think Basil’s right,” Penople says, shaking her head, “It’s too much. Who has time to obsess over meaningless movies?”

Simon turns to her with his mouth hanging open, “I thought we were friends Penny!”

She wrinkles her nose, “We are, but this crosses a line.”

Niall leans his head on Dev’s shoulder, “I side with Baz.” Dev smiles softly at him, “And why’s that?”

“Because thinking about the MCU is too much work and head empty, no thoughts.”

“Mhh, I might have to side with you then.”

“Is it because I’m cute?”

“Just stop it, it’s like watching your parents make out ,” I say, smirking at them.

Dev narrows his eyes at me, “Oh piss off.”

“Don’t be rude...” Niall starts but trials off, eyes getting wide as he looks behind me.

I whip around and fucking Gareth is walking over to our table. He has the balls to look upset as he approaches us, “Uh, h-hi, Basil can I-“

“Get the fuck away from him or I swear to God I’ll drop kick your ass right here right now,” Niall snarls.

We all stare at him, collectively all shocked at his outburst. How can someone so soft be so mean? I’ve known Niall for ages and I’ve never seen him this angry.

Gareth seems the most shocked though, “I didn’t-“

“Did you not hear me the first time?”

A ‘h’ sounding noise comes out of Gareth’s mouth as he backs away.

Once he’s gone Dev starts laughing hysterically, “I didn’t know you had that in you Niall, and holy crap I’m gay.”

Agatha is giggling while Simon turns to me, “What was that about?”

I look away from him, “You know that tumblr post? The one that outed me?”

“Yeah, why?”

“He posted it,” I whisper, “He found our emails when I forgot to log out in the library. He used it as blackmail for, um, for awhile.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He growls.

My head jerks up as I look at him, “Are you angry?”

He places his hand on my knee, “Fuck yeah I am, I’m going to help Niall drop kick him.”

“I meant at me.”

“I know what you meant,” he says softly, placing his forehead against mine, “No I’m not angry, I get forgetting to log out, I forget things all the time. What he did to you is gross and I hate him for it.”

I close my eyes, “God you’re amazing.”

“You just called me a tosser this morning.”

“You’re an amazing tosser then.”

He grabs my chin and places a kiss on my cheek. I take his hand place it against my lips and Niall groans again.

“Where’s my thank you for getting rid of that arsehole?”

I turn to him, “Up your-“

Simon places his hand over my mouth, “Thank you Niall.”

Niall looks at me smugly, “Snow’s my new best friend.”

Agatha scowls, “What about me?”

He says pursing his lips, “It’s not that easy to get rid of you, so you can stay.”

“Wait,” I say leaning towards him, “Does that mean I’m easy to get rid of?”

“Yes and no.”

“Can I get an explanation?”

“Nuh-uh.”

I share a look with Dev across the lunch table with my eyebrow raised.

And I know we’re both thinking the same thing: I love my moron.

—

I’m in Simon’s car, and we’re going to his house.

And I’m going to meet his Mum.

His Mum.

“Are you sure it’ll be okay if I meet her?”

“Of course.”

“What if she takes one look at me and hates me?”

He looks over at me softly, “She won’t do that, don’t be thick.”

“You’re the thick one in this relationship,” I mumble.

The corner of his lip turns up, “I thought that we established that was you?”

“I’m serious, what if the second she hears my  
last name, she throws me out the door?”

He looks nervous now, “You’ll be fine, you can charm anyone.”

“Do you think I’m charming? Did I charm you Snow?”

His cheeks go red, “Shut up.”

“But, honestly, don’t you think she’ll go off on me once she realizes I’m Natasha Pitch’s son? A lot of random old people hate me because of my mother.”

“And a lot of random old people love you for the same reason right?”

I let out a huff, “Do you even know where she stands on my mother?”

He bites his lip, “No but I don’t think she’d hate you for who your mother was. She doesn’t hate me because of my dad!”

“Right,” I say, looking out the window, “I’m sorry.”

The car goes silent and it’s just the sound of the road and the low volume music.

After a couple minutes he breaks the silence, “You know that I, that I um-“

I grab his hand, “Yeah, me too.”

“Right, so I just, I just want you to know that whatever happens I still will.”

Jesus Christ even though he struggles with words, he still manages to make me flustered with one sentence.

“Okay,” I say, rubbing circles with my thumb into his hand, “I just hope she likes me.”

“She will, you’re fucking lovely.”

“That will forever be engraved on my heart, dear Romeo.”

He drags his pointer finger up and down my palm, “Does that make you Juliet?”

“Yes, I think it does.”

“I think,” he says flushing, “You’d make a really pretty Juliet.”

Jesus, “You think I’m pretty?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to have a fucking heart attack,” I mumble.

“Did give you butterflies?”

I snort, “Shut up.”

The thing is, he did, and I loved it. I didn’t know getting fucking butterflies would be as amazing as it is right now but Jesus...

I just want to be around him and the stupid butterflies he gives me forever.


	14. My diamonds glisten, shinin' in the tunnel of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs:  
> night time my time - sky ferreira  
> six am - inner wave  
> dream - inner wave  
> tunnel of love - ilytommy

The Snow’s residence is extremely homey.

It’s cluttered and smells like biscuits. The second I walked in Simon started apologizing and saying ‘I know it’s not that big’ along with other nonsense.

Thank God his mother isn’t coming home until an hour later because I have him pressed against the door right now.

I’ve made my way down to his neck when he pushes me back. “Sorry,” I mumble but he shakes his head, “No you’re good that-that was amazing it’s just, the thought of my mum walking in...”

I let out a laugh as turn away from him, “Jesus I forgot all about her.”

He comes up from behind me and wraps me into a hug as he giggles, “I know, that would’ve been one awkared conversation.”

“Hi I’m you son’s boyfriend. Just excuse me for a second while I pull my tongue out of his mouth.”

He giggles even more into the back of my neck, “Shut up!”

I smile and play with his fingers, “I really love your house Snow.”

“Actually?”

“Yes of course don’t be ridiculous.”

“No it’s just, you’re rich and all so-“

“My house barely feels like home, I’m lucky I even get to hang up posters.”

“Yeah but you can’t complain darling, you’re still rich.”

“I know, I know.”

He pulls away from me and holds my hand, “I want to change out of my uniform, and I’m guessing you do too, so do you want to borrow some clothes?”

—

I’m wearing his hoodie.

He forced it onto me, along with a pair of his joggers and very fluffy socks. It’s a oversized hoodie, with the Marvel logo on it, and I think I want to be buried in it.

I’m extremely comfortable, sitting on his sofa while he hums around in the kitchen, fixing up tea.

When he comes back into the living room, I’m listening to Sky Ferreira’s album; Night Time, My Time.

Simon hands me a cup and sits next to me with his legs in my lap.

He takes one of the headphones and makes a sour expression, “Why do you only listen to depressing music?”

“Depressing? It’s not depressing.”

“Litreally all the music you like makes me cry.”

“That’s because you’re a crybaby, and I listen to Elton John, his music isn’t sad.”

“Some of it is! Your favorite song by him is I think I’m going to Kill Myself.”

“It’s a good song you prick,” I tilt my head at him, “Are you trying to tell me my music is bad?”

He shakes his head, smiling and grabs my phone, “I’ll show you some actually good music.”

I watch him scroll and type for awhile and then light pop floats into my ear, “What is this?”

“Six AM by Inner Wave.”

“This sounds like a breakup song.”

“Don’t listen to the words, listen to the beat.”

“You’re a moron.”

“And-“

The door swings open and a women with hair just like Simon’s, (but extremely blonde). She looking at us with big eyes, teacup in hand.

“Hi mum!,” Snow says, “I, um, h-how was work?”

She sits down near him while I pray to God he makes this less awkward.

“Fine, fine,” she says and then smiles, “Why don’t you introduce me to your friend?”

He blushes while slowly moving his legs, “T-this is Basilton, um,” he pauses as I shake her hand, “Basilton Pitch.”

She freezes, “As in relation to Natasha Pitch?”

I nod, “Yes, she was my mother.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you.”

“I loved her, I actually went to school with her sister, she was a couple years younger than me.”

“Are you talking about Fiona Pitch?”

“Yes she’s you’re aunt right?”

“Yes, she is.”

“A wild spirit that one.”

I chuckle, “Still is.”

“Okay well, how do you too know eachother?” she asks, her eyes dart back and forth from me to him.

He laughs nervously and leans closer to me, “He’s my, uh, he’s my boyfriend actually.”

“Oh?” Her lips twitch up, “I thought you’d never get boyfriend if I’m being honest Simon.”

I snort and he grabs my arm to squeeze it, “W-what?”

She shrugs, “Not like that Si, I just didn’t expect anyone else to be gay, you know?”

He nods, grinning and trying to hide it by biting his bottom lip.

She turns to me, “How long have you known Simon?”

“A couple months.”

“I’ve never heard about you till now,” she laughs, “Are you out Basilton?”

I cough, “Uh, yes actually I am.”

She nods, “I hope you treat my son right, he’s fragile you know.”

Simon gasps, “I’m not fragile!”

I smile at her and try not to snort at him, “I’d never hurt him ma’am.”

He turns to, grinning with his tongue between his teeth, “You’re so cute.”

“I’m still sitting here,” his mum says.

He turns red, “R-right. Um, are you staying for dinner?”

“Of course, let me just text Mordy.”

Simon’s mum smiles softly, “I hope you like bangers and mash Basilton.”

I smile back, “Yes that sounds lovely.” I feel my stomach fill with dread as I pull out my phone.

I was supposed to cook for everyone since it’s Vera’s day off, and getting Mordy to cook is a nightmare, just like her food. 

Simon’s talking to mum while I start texting Mordelia.

Me: Small problem

Mordy: Do you need a shovel?  
Mordy: Cause I can be there in 5 min with one

Me: Jesus Christ no

Mordy: Alright so what happened

Me: Dinner  
Me: I’m staying over at Snow’s house to eat so you’ll need to feed the twins and the baby

Mordy: No <3

Me: Yes.  
Me: Just boil some soup, then microwave chicken nuggets

Mordy: That’s a lot of fucking work

Me: I swear to God I’ll burn your room down

Mordy: I’m not afraid of a little fire

Me: Is ignoring me worth listening to all of them cry because they’re hungry?

Mordy: Fuck off  
Mordy: I wish Vera was here

Me: Well she’s not

Mordy: I hate you

Me: No <3

—

Simon insisted to drive me home, even though I told him it’s perfectly fine for me to take the bus but of course he’s the perfect gentleman.

“Just so you know,” I say playing placing a kiss on his free hand, “I’m not giving you this jumper back.”

He grins, “That’s fine, you look adorable in comfortable clothing anyways.”

I blush, “Ew stop being cheesy you arse.”

He traces my jawline with his finger, “You like it though.”

“Shut up,” I say kissing his finger.

“Mhh, I think my mom liked you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” he says lacing our hands together.

“Are you sure she wasn’t just being polite?”

He shakes his head, “No, she had this look on her face she gets when she’s happy or impressed.”

“Jesus that’s great.”

“Yeah. When do you think I’ll meet your parents?”

I quickly look away, “I don’t think meeting my father is a good idea, but you can meet my aunt and stepmother.”

He squeezes my hand, “I don’t want to push you, I know you’ve already been through a lot just these past days-“

“Don’t be ridiculous, I want everyone to know that you’re my boyfriend,” I swallow, “It’s just that my father barely even talks to me and he doesn’t really approve of...well, of me.”

He frowns, “I’m sorry, I wish that wasn’t the case.”

“Me too.”

The rest of the ride is filled with comfortable silence and Inner Wave.

When we get to my house Mordelia is on the front steps smoking a fag.

Simon brings my hand up to his mouth and gives it a kiss, “I swear your sister is a girl version of you.”

“Half sister, and I know it’s weird.”

“Half sister? That makes it even weirder.”

“Right?”

We smile at eachother and he places a hand on my neck. He places a kiss on my cheek and I melt, “Dating you is one of my best accomplishments,” I murmur.

He giggles against my neck, that’s where he’s decided to tuck his head into, “One of? So it’s not the best?”

I roll my eyes, even though he can’t see it, “No I think maybe the best one was just being born.”

“You say it like you birthed yourself.”

“Maybe I did.”

He snorts and grabs my chin while bringing his head up. He kisses me, and just like every other time it’s magic.

His tongue grazes mine and I let out an embarrassing sound but I’m too blissed out to care.

There’s a sudden bang from the window on my side and we both jump as we pull apart. It’s fucking Mordy.

I roll down the window and scowl at her, “What the hell?”

She blows smoke out of the corner of her mouth, “You really shouldn’t be making out right in front of the house.”

“I actually hate you,” I pout. She shrugs and walks back up to the house.

I turn back to Simon and he’s smiling, “That was pretty funny.”

“Shut up you nerd,” I giggle.

“I’m the nerd? You’re in drama Baz.”

“You’re a prick.”

He smiles and leans towards me, “So are you.”

I give him one last kiss before saying goodbye and jumping out of the car.

I feel on top of the world right now, as I open the back door and walk into the living room.

When I get to my room I’m smiling and dancing to the music from my headphones. I may or may not be listening to Innerwave.

My eyes immediately find the God-awful basil plant painting and my smile grows wider.

I’m so fucking in love. And Jesus is it amazing.


	15. Into a place, where thoughts can bloom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs:   
> glitter - tyler the creator  
> pete davidson - ariana grande  
> sofia - clario  
> homage - mild high club  
> come and get your love - redbone
> 
> —
> 
> the end! follow me on instagram @mammillariainflames! i’ll be posting open discussions about the carry on series soon! and my dms are open 🥰!

“Are you sure?”

Agatha nods, “Yes of course.”

“And it won’t be bad?”

“No.”

“Again, are you sure?”

“Are you doubting my skills?”

“Yeah.”

“Since when have you said ‘yeah’?”

“Just get on with it and shut up.”

“Fine.”

She moves her chair closer to mine and I lean foward. We’re in the backstage of the auditorium and Agatha has insisted on doing my makeup for me.

She says she knows what she’s doing and that eyeliner will look amazing on me and I told her to fuck off. She obviously won that argument.

She starts dusting and blending, etc while a group of girls starts doing vocal warmups despite the play having no singing in it.

Simon has been writing me little love notes lately and he slipped one my pocket today that said ‘i hope ur arse looks as good on stage as it does in those jeans i like’. God bless him and his horrible grammer.

“You know,” she says while stabbing my fucking eye with that pen of her’s, “You and Simon seem to be doing well.”

“Yeah I guess we have.”

“I really thought you were going to have breakdown number two after that whole but...”

“But?”

“But it’s almost like he saved you from yourself. It’s like we couldn’t do it this time and he swooped in.”

“He’s an angel.”

“Yeah he is.”

“I love him.”

“Woah, have you told him that yet?”

“Kind of.”

“You can open your eyes now.”

I do and she’s beaming, “Stop smiling at me it’s gross Wellbelove.”

“I know but I haven’t seen you this happy —your own version of it anyways— in what feels like forever.”

I smack her brush away from my face, “He makes me happy. Now that you know that I advise you to stop pestering me.”

“No thanks.”

“Christ I hate you.”

“Not a day goes by where I regret not recording your confession of love to us.”

“I deny any of that happened.”

“Not a day goes by Basil, not a day.”

—

The show is a success, Agatha is a stunning lead lady, and even Gareth does okay.

When we meet up with our friends in the audience Simon comes running to me and kisses me hungrily.

I push him back by the shoulders, “Wow, where did that come from?”

“That makeup and the shakespearean clothes you were wearing was hotter than they had any right to be,” he explains before kissing me so hard that my head tips.

I push him off again and laugh, “You’re ridiculous.”

“And gross,” quips Penople from behind him.

Niall makes puppy dogs at her, “Awe Bunce is lonely! Bunce would you like another gay best friend because I’d make a great one.”

She snorts and rolls her eyes, “Of course I would.”

Niall throws an arm around her, “Alright, but I’ll warn you, Dev and I aren’t that much better than them.”

“Ew,” we all say. Agatha looks around, “Wait where is Dev?”

Dev suddenly appears next to her with a box, “Hello m’lady.” She side eyes him, “What the hell is that?”

He opens the box and it’s a couple of muffins with the letters A and B written across them in frosting.

I look up at him raising an eyebrow, “Why...?”

“Because you guys are cool or whatever.”

I squint, “That doesn’t-“

“Awe, you’re so sweet!” Agath squeals giving him a peck on the cheek, “We love it!”

I tilt my head, “Do we...?”

She quickly turns to me, narrowing her eyes, “We. Love. It.”

I nod before she gets angry again, “Yes. We do. Love it,” I say grabbing a muffin.

When I take a bite I immediately gag, thankfully I manage to swallow it, “Did you make these yourself?”

“Yeah, are they good?”

Agatha takes one and when she tries it she freezes, “It’s, very...flavorful,” she says with her mouthful.

Simon giggles and grabs a piece of my muffin, “It can’t be that bad.” He spits it right back into the wrapper after he takes a bite, “Christ that’s awful.”

Dev looks down at the box, “I followed the recpie though...”

Niall pats his arm, “It’s okay sweetie, we can just rub the frosting all over eachother.”

“Shut up Niall,” he says.

Penople sighs, “That’s gross, why can’t you guys just...not be gross?”

Agatha throws her muffin into the box, “Agreed, now lets light the rest of these garbage cakes on fire!”

“No, not again Aggie,” pleads Niall. Penelope turns to them, “Again?”

I sigh and pinch my nose, “Yes she burned a box of muffins in my kitchen sink last year.”

Agatha smiles, “It was fun!”

Simon scoots into my side as I wrap an arm around me, “Hey.”

“Hey,” he smiles.

“Can I drive you home?”

“Yeah, but one only if we make out.”

I snort, “Way to sort out your priorities, love.”

He scrunches up his nose, “You’re a tosser. Also can we stop by to get coffee?”

“Yes, but only if it’s my treat.”

He grins, “You’re the perfect boyfriend Bazzy.”

I snort, “I won’t be if you call me Bazzy again.”

“Hey!” Agatha yells, throwing a piece of muffin at me, “No flirting while single people are present!”

Simon looks at her, “Aggie, he just threatened to be a horrible boyfriend you have nothing to worry about.”

She shrugs, “Whatever,” then turns to me, “Are we going to your house?”

I look at Simon for approval and he nods, “Yes, but coffee first.”

Niall suddenly looks at me and both of their face brighten, “Coffee!”

Dev rests his head on top of Niall’s, “They’re like fucking siamese twins aren’t they?”

Penelope nods, “It’s freaky.”

We all head outside together, while Bunce, and Dev talk about how ridiculous Moby Dick is, Niall and Simon talk about how great Star Wars is.

Agath is walk next to me and she starts playing something on her phone while sticking a headphone in my ear.

She smiles at me with he tongue between her teeth as I raise an eyebrow, “What’s this Wellbelove?”

“A playlist I made for you, it’s called Basil has lovesick eyes. If you don’t get it, it’s love songs for you.”

I restrain myself from grinning, “If I did affection, I would hug you.”

“Awe! I love you too!”, she says throwing up her middle finger and a heart with her other hand.

And she some how has put my whole existence into a form of only two gestures. Never doubt Agatha I guess.

—

I’m driving and Simon is in the passengers seat holding my hand while Agatha’s playlist is on.

It’s a perfect mix of happy beats and sappy ones. Sometimes I forget how good she is at making playlists because her love of old shitty american music overtakes that.

Simon is humming along to a couple songs, while Niall teases Dev as he’s sitting on his lap. Agatha and Penny scroll through Instagram together to criticize everyone and anyone.

It’s perfect.

I mean, none of this is actually technically ‘perfect’, but it’s paradise right now.

The boy I love is holding my hand, the idiots I call my friends are in the back seat, and I have enough love songs to make Romeo and Juliet seem ‘very good friends’.

I didn’t think this would be my ‘happy ending’. I didn’t think I would find any of this.

But here I am getting coffee with the people I care about the most.

I know I’ll still have to face more, and that I might have to find forgiveness in myself for Gareth.

Yet, right now, this car and this music is enough.

Everything else can fuck off for now, because I’m over the moon happy, for the first time in a long time.


End file.
